JOAN’S BLOG –THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 7, 2008 - AD – A Destroyer of the Spirit as Well as the Mind.

We are all acutely aware of how Alzheimer’s Disease destroys the brain , piece by piece, year by year. We watch in despair and helplessness as the spouse we knew and loved over a lifetime, loses their memory, personality, and abilities. But what I have seen lately is just as heart wrenching – when this disease destroys the spirit of the once physically, emotionally, and mentally strong men and women we love. When they lose the ability to be our partner in providing for the family; sharing the household chores; helping with homework (in the cases of EOAD); helping to handle the finances; and of course, driving, that is when we hear the heartbreaking statements that many of your spouses, as well as mine, have been courageous enough to share with me - “I feel worthless.” “I feel useless.”  “What good am I to anybody now?” “I just sit in the house and do nothing.”  This shredding of the spirit is another of the horrors of this disease. How do we ease the pain of their anguish, when our own hearts are shattering along with theirs?

As I told you on Tuesday, two friends and I had a grand “Pity Party” for ourselves on Wednesday – It was designed to help me through my rough period of the last few weeks, but we not only helped one another, we came up with some good solutions for our husbands’ dejected spirits. We could not do anything about their inability to work or handle finances, but we certainly could do something about getting them out of the house and having an activity to look forward to each week. We hatched the idea of a “Men’s Day Out” . We chose either bowling or miniature golf for them to try. (Who cares if they are lousy at it, as long as they have fun and enjoy each other’s company.) One day a week, we thought we could drop them off at the multiplex where these activities are held, let them play golf or bowl, have lunch, and pick them up when they are finished. They are all functioning at a level where they can certainly spend a few hours together without their wives. That time will come soon enough, so we want them to be able to enjoy an activity and freedom while they are able.

When we returned home and presented the idea to them, they were very enthused. (Although Sid complained that HE should be driving everyone – we’re leaving that subject to next week’s testing – see Blogs below). Our goal of lifting their downtrodden spirits was accomplished, which eased our own pain a bit.

We also talked about the obvious – forget time restraints and perfection – let them do whatever chores around the house they choose to do – if a 15 minute job takes 2 hours, so be it. When they accomplish it, they will have the satisfaction and feeling of usefulness they are seeking.

A final word about “Pity Parties” . Schedule one for yourself if you are able. Being in the company of those who can cry with you; vent and scream with you; and truly understand and share your struggles, goes a long way in relieving stress, even if only for a brief period of time. Mine not only eased some major anxiety, it helped find a short term solution to my husband’s depression and isolation.

MESSAGE BOARD TOPIC: AD Destroys the Spirit as Well as the Brain.

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