JOAN’S BLOG – THURSDAY, MARCH 6, 2008 – THE MALE SPOUSES OF AD WIVES – WE SALUTE YOU!
What a great day yesterday was. The guys took the challenge from Marsh, and expressed their feelings on our Message Boards. I hope they received comfort and liberation in knowing that their emotions of anger, frustration, pain, loneliness, and resentment are shared by just as many male spouses as females ones. Keep it going – there are still some we have not heard from.
Before I go any further, I want to make it clear that I am NOT sexist. Remember, I am a child of the 60’s  – we marched for equality for all. However, although I know plenty of men who helped with the household chores, changed diapers, chauffeured kids to their activities, AND mowed lawns, it just seems to be a fact of most of our lives that, in general, we women handled the majority of those household chores. We cooked, cleaned, did laundry, took care of the children, as well as held full or part time jobs outside of the home.
Now along comes Alzheimer’s Disease, and not only does it take away the women these men have loved for decades, it dumps upon them all of the home duties they are not used to handling. And what did you guys do? You rose to the occasion and learned to cook, clean, and do laundry. I have heard from some of you that you even enjoy trying out new recipes. (Want to come here and cook for me? I’m kind of sick of it!)
In some ways, I think it is even harder for a man to be caretaker for a wife than the other way around, only because men are not used to being the “nurturers” and housekeepers. Again, I apologize if that sounds “sexist”; I just think it is a fact of our lives.
So while we women may express our emotions more freely, it does not mean that the men do not feel the same pain and anguish as we do, while they watch helplessly as AD slowly erases their life-long lover, and they are faced with the multitude of unfamiliar house chores. And let’s not forget the men of EOAD wives who are holding down full time jobs while trying to care for not only their wives, but their children. I invite you to join me today to salute the men who have learned to “nurture”; to bake brownies; cook nutritious meals; separate laundry by color; and master my least favorite chore of all – ironing.
I am pleased and honored that you feel comfortable enough to share your emotions on our Message Boards. I do believe that venting, expressing fears, and crying with us, is cathartic. We cannot erase AD from our lives, but we can support one another, women AND MEN, as we travel this road full of potholes, craters, and obstacles.  
Please post your comments under the existing Message Board Topic: For husbands of AD wives

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com

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