JOAN’S BLOG – FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 2007 – SADNESS

The question is often asked of me, “Aren’t you angryand resentful that Alzheimer’s Disease has turned your life with your husband upside down ? My answer is always the same – “No, I am just sad. So very sad.”

It is when I see older couples walking hand in hand, or sitting at a café table deep in conversation , or maybe see that look cross between them, that look that displays a still strong emotional bond. These are the times that the cloud of sadness  envelopes me, smothers me, crushes me.

I think to myself – we had that bond for over 30 years. That bond was the warmth, comfort and security felt only when in each other’s presence – we blocked out the world, and we were one unit. I am overwhelmingly sad for that loss. I am particularly sad that I have accepted the loss as permanent and know that I have to live with the relationship we have now. The sadness is deep – I can feel it in my heart, my bones, my core. I fight it. I push it away. To do otherwise would lead me down the dark path of depression, a path I cannot afford to take. I have too much to do; too many responsibilities. So I take the advice I give to others. I try to the best of my ability (which is sometimes sorely lacking) to “let go” the endless questions; the repetitive questions; the confusion; the misinterpretation of so much of what I say; the obsessive behavior; the reliance on me for everything.  I enjoy the times we are able to spend together as a couple– our date nights, our get-togethers with friends. And I fill the rest of my life with activities that give me pleasure – reading, writing, and outings with girlfriends.

Nothing can replace that bond, but to focus on the sadness would incapacitate me. I would not be able to function. So I try to let it go. Nothing this disease brings upon us is easy.

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com 

View Printer Friendly Version

The material included on this website contains general information intended as information only. This site is not intended to provide personal, professional, medical, or psychological advice, and should not be relied upon to govern behavior in any certain or particular circumstances. The opinions in the blogs are solely those of the owner of the website. The opinions on the message boards are not necessarily endorsed by the owner of this website, and are the opinions of those persons writing the messages. All material on this web site is for demonstration and informational purposes only.

The Alzheimer Spouse LLC 2009 All Rights Reserved