 JOAN’S BLOG – MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 8, 2008 – CAN THERE BE HAPPINESS? Do not ever think that I took happiness This weekend, there was another round of Alzheimer related tears It made me wonder – is it possible to have happiness in our lives while living through this miserable Alzheimer’s journey? Should I just take the advice of one of my friends, and “Get over it. That’s life. Others have it much worse than you.” I miss our old life, our easy camaraderie, our “togetherness” Message Board Topic: Is Happiness Possible? Before you bombard my e-mail inbox Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com |
for granted. I did not. But I can honestly say that from that first date I had with Sid on the weekend before Thanksgiving of 1969 (I was a senior in college), until he started demonstrating personality changes that were later diagnosed as Alzheimer’s Disease 35 years later, I truly knew happiness, fulfillment, and contentment
. Through family deaths, financial ups and downs (I certainly liked the “ups” better), the difficulties we faced with an out of control teenage son, the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law battles that ran so bitter and so deep that they lasted until death, the job losses, and serious surgery (mine), there was always an undercurrent of contentment and happiness nurtured by the love we had for each other
. The security of our unconditional love sustained me through every crisis life brought our way. We were “US”, and “US” was a team that could not be beaten. There was love, passion, trust, and partnership. I knew it. I was happy because of it. And I never took it for granted. But because of that happiness, I never realized how debilitating a perpetual state of unhappiness 
can be. 
on both sides, because no matter how hard we each try, Alzheimer’s Disease is breaking down what used to be rock solid communication that did not even need words. He misinterprets what I say and do in an effort to keep him safe, as “humiliating” and “treating him like a child”, and I get so angry
at his stubborn, child-like resistance, that I do speak harshly to him. I realized yesterday just how miserably unhappy
I am. Total, overwhelming unhappiness that clouds every aspect of my life. He is also unhappy, but he forgets about it. I do not. 
. Because my husband is more high functioning than many others with the disease, you would think we would be better at this than we are. But when Alzheimer’s Disease sneaks into the brain and takes away the memory, and even part of the reasoning and comprehension of our spouses, it changes their personality, their ability to relate to us on the same level as before, and alters the marital relationship forever. When you’ve had the best, as I feel we were lucky enough to have experienced, it is very difficult to adjust to the total change. I would like to hear from you – is happiness and Alzheimer’s Disease a possible combination. If so, how have you accomplished it? 
with pleas to get on an anti-depressant, I will tell you that I am going to try to get to the doctor this week. The office was closed for a week after Fay due to flooding
, and then we’ve had hurricane and tropical storm advisories, watches, false alarms, and patio furniture dragged into the house, brought back out, dragged back in, and now rain and high wind gusts
are forecast for the next few days. I know the time has long since come and gone for me to get on medication, and I will do so as soon as I can get to the doctor. 
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