 JOAN’S BLOG – WEDNESDAY/THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 3/4, 2008 – OUR SPOUSES – OUR CHILDREN This subject keeps coming up on the Message Boards and in e-mails, and I feel it is so important that it needs to be addressed comprehensively in one place – here in a blog. Childlike behavior But the sad truth is – you DO know how to handle it. You HAVE handled it. In bringing up your children. None of us wants our marital relationship to change from partnership Many of you are concerned about the 7 stages of Alzheimer’s Disease and in which stage your spouse fits. Learning about those stages helps us prepare for what is ahead. But I do not think they help us COPE with the behaviors. In order to learn coping strategies, it is vital to remember what Alzheimer’s Disease is. Through this website, newspaper articles, and radio interviews, I have tried to educate the public that Alzheimer’s Disease is a destructive regressive brain disease I have condensed the childhood developmental stages into a few basic ones to give you the general idea. At the end, I have listed website resources if you wish to read more in depth information. Developmental Stages, Behaviors, and Coping Strategies Expect impulsivity in words and actions – those Alzheimer cards explaining their condition to strangers who witness this behavior are recommended. Two Year old stage – AD related – Substitute AD patient for 2 year-old in the above paragraph, and now you know what you are dealing with. Obviously, time out is not going to work with an AD patient, but ‘WALK AWAY; IGNORE; GO OUTSIDE AND PULL WEEDS; CLOSE YOURSELF IN THE BATHROOM AND YELL, BUT DO NOT ARGUE. They do not have the reasoning ability for argument. Infant I know this was probably distressing to read, but my only intention was to give you a better understanding of the behaviors your AD spouse is exhibiting and perhaps some useful information in coping with them. This “regressive” phenomenon gave me a much clearer explanation and understanding of AD behaviors. If anyone is interested in delving deeper into the research, below is a selection of sites for you to visit: http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/development/piaget.shtml http://www.essortment.com/all/stagechilddeve_retg.htm http://www.um.es/analesps/v22/v22_2/11-22_2.pdf http://www.bigtreemurphy.com/MenuPhysical%20Care.htm Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com |
by our adult spouses– pouting, whining, throwing temper tantrums, living in the “me” stage, behaving badly only in front of us, wanting things NOW, shadowing – this is just the short list, but it is enough for you to nod your head while reading it and say, “YES. YES. All of that. It DRIVES ME CRAZY
. I don’t know how to handle it. 
to parenting
, but Alzheimer’s Disease leaves us no choice. We have had many message board discussions and blog topics talking about the emotional difficulties
of being forced to transition from spouse to parent/caregiver. The emotional sorrow involved in that transition never leaves, but today, I want to focus on handling the practical matters of that transition. 
, not just a memory disease
. Alzheimer patients go through all of the child developmental stages again, but BACKWARDS. Once we comprehend that fact, we can have a better understanding of how to handle those “drive me up the wall” behaviors. 
– this is the person we fell in love with and married – understands abstract ideas; possesses deductive reasoning; understands consequences of actions; verbally fluent; capable of empathy; cognition and memory in tact.
=impulsive; intense; immediate (wanting everything NOW); indestructible (thinking nothing can hurt them); moody; messy; ME centered – difficulty with empathy for others. I flunked “how to handle a teenager”, and none of the expert advice worked for me, but when it comes to your AD spouse:
= no deductive reasoning; you cannot reason with a 2 year-old – they have not developed the capacity. Advice from 
= simple reflex activity; eating; sleeping; total incontinence= end stage AD – 24 hour nursing care