JOAN’S BLOG – THURSDAY, APRIL 10, 2008 – ALICE IN WONDERLAND/JOAN IN DEMENTIA LAND –A LITTLE HUMOR, I GUESS

Yesterday I told you about how normal my AD husband behaved while we were on our latest trip. What I did not tell you, and saved for today, was how demented everyone else was behaving.

Okay, I know I was in an Assisted Living Facility, and the residents were living there because they needed the assistance. HOWEVER, it was NOT a Memory Disorders Facility, and I need to emphasize that I am well aware that dementia is NOT a normal part of aging.I would NEVER IMPLY that everyone living in an ALF has dementia. But for whatever reason, almost everyone I ran into was confused..  I felt as if I had fallen down the rabbit hole like Alice , only it was a dementia hole, and I, who spend my life caring for a confused, forgetful husband,  was surrounded by people who could not remember anything, lost everything, were perpetually befuddled, could not say what they meant, or mean what they said.

The move was stressful and confusing for my father and stepmother – neither could remember who said what, when, or why. The maintenance man was running up and down the halls opening doors for residents who could not find their keys (my stepmom, included); plugging in cords for those who insisted their lamps did not work; and trying to follow resident’s directions on where to hang pictures.

Then I would return to my hotel room with the husband who was acting perfectly normal in the midst of all this chaos, and he would ask me AGAIN what we had planned for the next day, and what was the name of the restaurant where we had my Dad’s birthday party.

So now I am home; my AD husband says I have been “picking on him” all day, but he can’t remember what I said or did to make him think that; he has no memory of yesterday’s conversations, and I NEED TO ESCAPE this rabbit (dementia) hole. I need at least ONE DAY where I can be with people who have no memory, language, or confusion problems. Just ONE DAY.

I know that there are many spouses reading this who are not only caring for their AD husbands/wives, but are also trying to help care for their AD parents or other AD relatives. You must, at times, feel “surrounded”, and would like to climb out of the hole for at least a day.

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com