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I honestly do not know what is going on around the globe  in the world of the Alzheimer spouse, but the message boards, the e-mails, and my own feelings are telling me that sadness and frustration are prevailing. Maybe it is the added stress of dealing with gift buying, wrapping, and mailing; writing and addressing cards; family interference and get-togethers, that contribute to the frustration. Maybe it is the emotions surrounding “celebrating” a holiday when your spouse has just been admitted to a nursing home; is throwing temper tantrums; is arguing irrationally; or doesn’t recognize you, that contributes to the sadness.  It is probably all of it.

In my case, it is the coming celebration of the New Year that is bringing me down. What will next year bring? Where will we be in this Alzheimer’s journey next year at this time? Each year, my husband seems to lose a little more of himself, and together we lose a little more of “US”. The feeling of sadness, about which I have written in another blog, is overwhelming, but it is usually temporary. I am most often able to talk myself out of it by focusing on the positive aspects of my life. But lately, the has been sticking, threatening to slide into depression.

Depression paralyzes . It is when the feeling of sadness permeates every cell in your body, and does not allow you to function. Well, I don’t have time for that. I need to take care of my husband, run the household, try to take care of my own health, try to make a living. So how do we keep the sadness from descending into depression? It’s a good question. Aside from heavy duty anti-depressants , which I would prefer to avoid, I am not really sure.  

If I were feeling better physically, I would probably feel less depressed, but the more duties and stress that are heaped upon me, the more compromised my immune system becomes. Talk about a vicious circle!!!

I wrote everything above this line late yesterday afternoon before I went out to tutor at night. On my way to my client’s house, I heard something on the radio that seemed aimed directly at me and how I was feeling. The saying was attributed to Thomas Jefferson – “When you are at the end of your rope, make a knot in it and hold on. ”  “Well”, I thought to myself. “There you have it. Pick yourself up; make a plan; and get on with it.” I cannot control AD and the path it will take. What I can control is how I choose to live the non-AD parts of my life, so I am going to get those pieces in order and work on them.

Message Board Topic - Depression - Joan's Blog -12/20/07

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