JOAN’S BLOG – THURSDAY, OCTOBER 18, 2007 – SOMETIMES ALL WE CAN DO IS CRY.

I have tried to be as positive as possible when writing these Blogs. I try to find solutions and pass them on to you. Sometimes there are no solutions, and I just try to give support and validation to all of our feelings. But there are times………………..and this week has been one of those times, when all I want to do is cry.

Things have been going smoothly for a few months, but Alzheimer’s Disease can turn on a dime with no warning. All of a sudden, I noticed that my husband’s perception is off when he is driving. Just a week ago, I stated in one of my Blogs that as long as the driving was restricted to daytime, local, and minimal traffic, it was safe for him to drive. Now I do not think that is the case. Tuesday, he “forgot” to look in his side view mirror when backing out of the garage, and hit the side view mirror of my car, which was in the driveway. He considered it no big deal. I consider it a big deal – what if he “forgets” to look one way or another when he is on the road?

I have endured two days of excuses, crying, and threats concerning what will happen to him if I cause him to lose his license. No amount of reasoning has any effect. Of course not -  I know better than to try to reason with him – you cannot reason with an AD patient – so why am I trying to do it?

The social workers advise not to let his reactions bother me – do what I feel is necessary and he will adjust. But they aren’t looking at it from a spouse’s point of view. The arguing; the pain I am causing him; the pain he is causing me – it is tearing my heart to pieces. It feels like another nail in the coffin of what was a loving PARTNERSHIP . Those same social workers tell me to shrug it off; why should I care if he is upset?  I do not think they understand that every new downturn takes away another piece of a treasured relationship.

To be honest, I am sick of hearing my support group friends tell me how my marriage is not what it was; it will never be again; and I have to live with it. I KNOW THAT. I give that advice all of the time. But it hurts, and right now I am feeling that pain more than I have in months.

“Tomorrow is another day,” said Scarlet O’Hara.  Maybe it will be a better day.

I would like to hear your thoughts – MESSAGE BOARD TOPIC: Sometimes all you can do is cry.

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com