JOAN’S BLOG – TUESDAY, OCTOBER 16, 2007 – FORMING NEW FRIENDSHIPS WHEN YOUR SPOUSE HAS AD

So many of you have written to express dismay and sadness when old “friends” no longer invite you to social gatherings; when they no longer drop in for a visit; when the phone calls stop. It prompted me to write a Blog about friendships a couple of months ago.

But what about when you are faced with meeting new people who want to start a friendship and socialize? All of my regular readers are aware that we relocated to Florida a little over a year ago. That meant making new friends. Yes, we developed a close-knit social circle from our Support Group, but we were also meeting people in other settings who knew nothing of Sid’s diagnosis or our involvement with the Alzheimer’s Association. For the first year we were living here, Sid and I wrestled with the question – “Do we tell our new acquaintances about his AD?” Will it turn them off?  Will they prefer not to socialize with us? We finally decided to keep it quiet until we knew them better. After a year, we did tell two sets of new friends, and it has not made a difference to them.

Now we are meeting even more people in the neighborhood, at the pool, in the gym, who would like to get together; go out to dinner; visit for coffee. Alzheimer’s Disease has become so much a part of our lives – our support group; our fundraising; my website; - it seemed to us that if we kept that part of us from new acquaintances, it would be like living a . This time, Sid’s attitude towards the situation is, “This is who I am; this is who we are; this is the way our life is. I am not hiding  it from anyone. If they don’t want to socialize with us, then they aren’t the type of people we need in our life.”

Although Sid is still able to “keep it together” when he is out with a group, it is becoming obvious that he has memory problems , and that too much conversation confuses  him. I feel there is no shame in saying, “I’m sorry, it’s my memory difficulty; I forgot that incident, what was it again?” It is my point of view that people will respond better to honesty than deception. If I am wrong, I will find out soon enough. 

I fully understand how lucky we are that we are still able to socialize; I am totally aware that the time will come when this luxury is no longer possible, and our world will shrink  more than it has. But as long as we are able, I want us to get out and embrace as much of life as we can.  

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com