JOAN’S BLOG – TUESDAY, AUGUST 7, 2007 – WHERE CAN WE FIND PATIENCE?

Patience, Patience, Patience. Can we buy it? Borrow it? Steal it? Where can we get it? According to my Blog, Changing Places with My Alzheimer Spouse of 7/25/07, I thought I found it on the Florida Turnpike. You may not have the connection with your spouse that you used to have, but you are still trying to live in peace, harmony, and love. Loss of patience = screaming at each other – not the best method of nurturing a relationship. So what tries our patience, and how can we stockpile it to use it when we need it?

My Biggest Patience Killers:

Being asked the same question over and over again - at least 3 times within the same hour. – Why should I lose my patience when this happens? I KNOW he can’t remember he asked. One of my support group friends lets it roll right off of her back when her husband does this, and she just answers the questions again and again – I wish I could learn to do that. As I told Sid’s doctor, I AM improving, but not enough.

Temper Tantrums –No one wants to be the target of verbal abuse, so it is our natural tendency to fight back when someone is throwing objects, yelling, and accusing us of any number of falsehoods. Guess what I found out? If you yell back when your AD spouse is in the middle of a tantrum, the tantrum escalates. We have to TRY, as much as it goes against our nature, and stresses us to the point of explosion, to wait it out, and then speak calmly about whatever was bothering them. As difficult as it is, we have to remember that is the DISEASE, not our spouses who are behaving in this manner. IMPORTANT NOTE: - If the tantrums turn violent, call for help immediately (911). If the tantrums escalate, the doctor will probably prescribe medication for your spouse.

Nagging – Because Sid cannot remember what he told me, he is CONSTANTLY reminding me to do any number of the 100+ items that are on my TO DO list. He reminds me as they pop into his head, but to me, it sounds like nagging, and I lose my patience when he does it.

So far, the only thing that I have found that works for me, is to leave the room, take a deep breath, and repeat to myself – “Take it easy. Calm down. Be patient.” Do you believe that I do this every single time? Two times out of three? Two times out of five? Okay, maybe two times out of ten, but it’s better than zero times. I’m aiming for improvement, not perfection.

Since I am writing this, I went first, but I want to hear from you via e-mail and message boards. What tries your patience the most, and how do you deal with it? Can patience be stockpiled to draw upon when we need it? If you know of a way to do it, let me know!

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com

©Copyright 2007 Joan Gershman 

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