JOAN’S BLOG – TUESDAY, DECEMBER 4, 2007- E-MAILS KEEP POURING IN ON THE NURSING HOME ISSUE

On Saturday, December 1st, I reprinted a Blog on nursing home placement that I had written in August. I did it in response to many readers struggling with this issue. Many of you wrote your opinions on the message boards, and for that, I thank you. We all benefit from each other’s support and differing opinions.

What you do not see are the e-mails I receive, and they continue to pour in. As you can imagine, they are equally split between those who feel it is best to keep their spouse at home for as long as possible, and those who feel the need to turn over the care to professionals.

Except for seeking companionship when your spouse is no longer able to provide it, I do not think there has been a topic of discussion that has elicited so many split opinions.

I have been reading and answering all of the e-mails, which has forced me to do a lot of thinking on the subject. The result of all of that concentration and thought is this: I believe that we hold back from taking that last step because once taken, it finalizes the break in the marriage. Oh, of course our “real” spouse has been gone for a long time, years in some cases, but while they are at home with us, we feel that there is still a marital bond. Once they are out of our daily care; when they no longer live in the same house with us; it has to feel as if our hearts have been torn out of our bodies.

On the other hand, as so many have written to me to express that there comes a time when you, the caregiver spouse, is completely physically and emotionally spent, and may be on the verge of collapse. In that case, there is no longer a choice.

I invite you to CLICK HERE to read an article sent to me by one of our readers. It is a story of a woman who tried to care for her AD husband as long as possible; it is a story of love, devotion, and the scourge that is Alzheimer’s Disease.

Please post your comments under the existing Message Board topic - Nursing Home or Caring for your Spouse at Home

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©Copyright 2007 Joan Gershman        

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