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Today was Sid’s 3-month check up with the neurologist. Based upon the scores of what they call the “mini-mental” test, the Aricept and Namenda have kept him stable. (I guess most of you are familiar with the “mini-mental”, but for those of you who are not – It is a series of questions that target different parts of the brain . They can determine which brain functions are declining from the answers given on the test.). The doctor said that everything I was seeing at home that concerned me – the rigid thinking; the decline in problem solving; the increased forgetfulness, were all part of the disease, but that he really was testing as stable. That’s the good news.

Let me now explain that this neurologist is tops in his field. He is head of a Memory Disorders Clinic; he works on research trials with all of the well known drug companies; he has been voted one of the best doctors in Florida; he went into the Alzheimer’s field because of the devastation the disease brought to his own family; AND HE HAS EXCEPTIONAL  PERCEPTION AND A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR, all directed at me today.

We have known each other now for 9 months, so he felt comfortable telling me what he didn’t think I was ready to hear many months ago. He said that when he first met me, he pegged me immediately as the Type A Perfectionist Personality.  ( So how did he know that?). His concern was that we Type A’s don’t adjust well to Alzheimer’s. We want everything to be perfect, and we want to control it so it is perfect. We Type A’s don’t know how to “go with the flow” , which is essential when living with an Alzheimer’s patient. Sid and I were laughing through this whole exchange, because he was soooo right about me. “BUT, BUT”, I kept saying, “I am learning. I am much better. Really I am. I don’t argue with Sid anymore, even when I know he is 100% wrong; I don’t get upset when he forgets things; I just keep repeating the answers to the questions he has asked me 10 times in the same night. I really am learning.” Even Sid agreed that I was improving. As we left the office, the doctor smiled at me and said, “You gotta go with the flow.”

So once again, another lesson learned. Yes, it is another burden on us spouses, but we have to learn to live with this disease and adjust to its demands on us. Whether you are a Type A or a Type Z (I made that up), you have to “let things go” and learn that we can’t argue with an AD patient; we can’t get angry if they forget what we said 60 seconds ago; we can’t take the temper tantrums personally; and we can’t change them back to who they were before AD. It is a constant learning process.

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com

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