JOAN’S BLOG – WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 15, 2007 –MEMORY STRATEGIES AND COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR AD SPOUSE – HOW TO TALK SO THEY WILL UNDERSTAND- PART II

In Part I, I wrote about my job in Special Education, the nature of the language therapy I provided, and how the methods I used with the language impaired students can work with an Alzheimer afflicted person. (See 8/13/07’s  Blog below- I have not archived it yet). My last 7 years, before I finally retired from the school system, were spent in a MIDDLE SCHOOL with 12-14 year olds. Then I came home every afternoon to an AD spouse – is anyone wondering how I am still SANE?????

Part of my job was to train teachers how to explain information so their language impaired students could understand it. Most of these students’ reaction to oral communication was – “HUH?????” That is often our spouses’ reaction when we and others speak to them.

             My students’ comprehension problems were very similar to those of our AD spouses. They:

• Could not follow multi-step directions
• Did not understand lengthy, complicated information
• Did not understand the vocabulary the teacher used
• Processed information very slowly
• Misinterpreted information

HOW DO WE LESSEN THESE PROBLEMS? WE ARE AIMING FOR IMPROVEMENT – NOTHING IS PERFECT. TRY THESE STRATEGIES – Yes, I know you’re thinking the same thing as in Part I – “How am I going to get him/her to cooperate?” No guarantees, but I’ll offer some suggestions at the end. Remember – these strategies are for Early to Mid Stages.

1. Eliminate Distractions:
STOP

• Your spouse has to stop WHATEVER they are doing when you are talking to them – shut off the TV; radio; stereo; stop eating;

 LOOK

• Your spouse has to look at you while you are speaking.

LISTEN

• You need to gain his/her attention and make sure they are listening.

2. Speak in short, simple sentences:
         

• Too long and complicated- “Alice called today to tell us about Joe’s entry into the spelling bee that’s going to be held tomorrow at the Garden Elementary School – she wants us to come and cheer him on.
• Better – Say, “Tomorrow we’re going to watch Joe in a spelling bee.” (Then write it in his notebook for the next day).

3. Give one direction at a time:
     

• Too much: Please get the blue dishes out of the cupboard; the tall glasses out of the cabinet; and set the table. Use the new silverware. Put the white tablecloth on the table first.
• Better: 

  1. Put the white tablecloth on the table. Wait until each task is finished before giving the next direction.
 2.Take 4 blue dishes out of the cabinet.
 3.Take 4 tall glasses out of the cabinet.
4.Take 4 forks out of the drawer.
5. Set the table.

NOTE: If they have lost the ability to figure out how to set the table, MODEL IT – set one place, and let them use it as a guide for setting the rest.

******** Now you’re probably saying – It’s a whole lot easier and less trouble for me to set the #%$&* table myself!!!!  You are right, but there will be times when you need to give him/her directions, and it’s good to know that they can only process one at a time.

                 4. Speak slowly and clearly:                           

• Speechcansoundlikethistoaconfusedpersonwhohasdifficultyprocessinglanguage.
• They   will   understand   you  better  if   you speak   slowly  and  clearly.

AND FINALLY – HOW TO GET THEM TO STOP, LOOK, AND LISTEN????  You are overworked, stressed out, and have lost all patience, yet you need to use your “calmest, sweetest” voice; tell them you have something important to say; ask them to stop what they are doing; and please listen to you. It works with Sid because we have been doing it for so long, but sometimes, he says, “No, not now!” I have to wait until he’s ready or else, he’ll have a tantrum, and nothing will be accomplished. Wait until you think they are most receptive, or you will meet with a stone wall.

ONCE AGAIN – GOOD LUCK!  I HOPE THIS HELPS.

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com

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