JOAN’S BLOG – THURSDAY, JANUARY 8, 2009 – CALLING ALL MALE CAREGIVER SPOUSES

You know how I am – a word, a phrase, an incident – anything I hear, see, or experience, can turn into a Blog. It happened again yesterday when I read the words on the message board written by  one of our newer male spousal caregivers – Gourdchipper- ……   “ I haven't dwelled much on "feelings" -- I was an engineer in my earlier life, and engineers tend to look at the world from a viewpoint of problems to be solved.” His statement gave me one of those “light bulb”  moments that I had to write about.

I realized that one of the reasons our male spouses do not write as frequently as we women is that they ARE “goal oriented” and “problem solvers” . If they need advice on solving a particular problem, such as Marsh and the pantyhose, they write. Women tend to be more comfortable talking about their emotions, and since being an AD spouse can be emotional , we express ourselves more often.

But when one of our guys does take the leap and speak of his emotions, as Dick S. did so beautifully in his poem about his Kathy, or Tony did as he was going through his struggles with his dear Tracy’s AD, or as Trisinger did as his beloved Andrea was slipping away, the impact is positive for everyone. It is my belief (you may surely disagree if you wish) that having an awareness that you are sharing the same thoughts, feelings, and experiences as other men, helps you cope.

I receive hundreds of e-mails from women who tell me that when they found my website, they found a group of people who truly “get it” concerning the “unique issues” faced by spouses of Alzheimer patients. Interspersed in all of those female e-mails are some from men expressing the same sentiments.

So my message today to all of you guys is  – we are here to help you solve your “bathroom”, “pantyhose” , “makeup” , and “hair styling”  problems, but all of us – women AND men are here to listen and offer support for your emotional pain. We understand it because we are traveling the same tortuous road.

In my most recent blog (see below) I told you of my plans to expand our resources for the men. There will be a new section on the left for the men. If you have ideas for what you would like included in this section, be sure to e-mail me your suggestions.

Please post comments under existing message board topic: For Husbands of AD wives.

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com

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