JOAN'S BLOG - FRIDAY, JANUARY 25, 2008 - A MOVING POEM BY ONE OF OUR READERS

In response to many e-mails and Message Board posts, I had planned today to write about the connection between Alzheimer's Disease/confusion/dementia and anesthesia. I have postponed that until the weekend, because sometimes something comes along that needs to be seen, and this is one of those times.

Many of you responded with awe and understanding to yesterday's blog about the artist William Utermohlen and his self portraits chronicaling his loss of self to Alzheimer's Disease. Included in those responses was a poem, written by one of our readers, "carewife". It is poignant and beautiful, and I would like to share it with you.

                            I WANT TO FIND MYSELF

For a moment in time,
The swirling mists in his brain lifted
His gaze became direct and intelligence 
Once again became evident as he looked
At me.

“What’s wrong ?” I asked with concern,
“I want to find myself”, was the reply,

Oh! How to comfort my beloved when  I myself can find no comfort,
How frightening
it would be  to not know my identity amidst the ever new and changing strangers around me.

Oh Lord, show me what to do and say,
To this sweet and vulnerable man who is my soul mate.
Then the words come from the depths of my being,

“Oh my love!, you are still a person with a soul untouched by this disease,
In the essence of your being,  you are complete and whole,
With a name and history of many accomplishments behind you,
You may not be able to recall these things but I remember,  I remember!

Some day when God receives you unto himself
And you are made whole again,
You will find yourself,
Until  then I will guard this knowledge of your unique being
And with all my love and dedication remind you of who  you are

I will face this relentless foe with a resolve
To keep my sweetheart’s sense of being intact
Until he himself will awaken from this horror
And say with joy to his Lord, “Here I am, your creation
I was lost within myself, and once again I am found.                          

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