JOAN’S BLOG – THURSDAY, JUNE 25, 2009 – CONSIDERING A LIFE STYLE CHANGE

Almost 3 years ago, I moved into my dream house in my dream weather location. I live in a gated community on a canal in sunny Florida. It took 36 years, but I finally live in a house with big, airy rooms, and enough of them that there is a place for everything. I have a master bathroom bigger than one of the bedrooms in my old house, and a closet bigger than some bathrooms. I LOVE living in this house. So what is your problem, you may ask.

Besides the expense of living here, including the burden of an upside down mortgage, sky high homeowner’s fees, out of control real estate taxes, and the regular home maintenance that is not taken care of by the Association ( indoor painting, changing smoke detector batteries on 10 ft. ceilings, plumbing emergencies, driveway washing, etc. etc. etc.), it is Sid’s isolation that is the major problem. He is correct when he says that he has nowhere to go and nothing to do. Even if he was still driving, which he is not, there is no socialization here. This is not an “active over 55” development. It is a family development. Yes, there is a pool and gym, and a few retired men who use them, but there are no clubs, activities, or retiree get-togethers.

This is a man who was a salesman for 40 years. He thrives on interacting with people and “gabbing”. It is irrelevant that he doesn’t remember a lot of the conversations. He is honest with people about it, and most are understanding. It is not enough for him to be driven to an Alzheimer buddy’s house once a week and left there for an afternoon. He needs to be able to go to a clubhouse and mingle with other retired guys all day. He needs to talk to other men, swim,  lunch together, and whatever else retired guys do. He is too functional for Day Care. And while he is functional, I want his life to be as fulfilling and brain stimulating as possible.

That is why I am considering a life style change that I NEVER would have thought about at my “young” age of 60. I must emphasize that I am just CONSIDERING it. I don’t know how it is in the rest of the country, but here in Florida, we are over run with “Independent Living” facilities. Every size, shape, and price range. You have your own apartment in a building with activity rooms, a pool, a gym, structured activities, lectures, and programs in which you can choose or not choose to participate. If we lived in one of those facilities, Sid would be surrounded by people, and would not have to go farther than taking the elevator downstairs to meet up with other men.

The benefits for me would be that I could work without worrying that he is alone, isolated, and bored. I would not have to be concerned about not being able to afford to pay someone to put up and take down hurricane shutters multiple times during hurricane season. (at $200 per storm). I would be free of homeowner’s fees, homeowner’s taxes, and house maintenance costs. I could pick up the phone and call the maintenance man when the toilet broke, there was an electrical problem, the refrigerator stopped working. And I wouldn’t have to COOK.

Yes, of course I realize that he will continue to decline and need more supervision as time goes on, in which case, an Assisted Living Facility would be the next step.

So my dilemma is – do I give up my dream home, which is becoming more and more unaffordable and difficult to maintain, to move into a much smaller apartment, in order to give Sid a better quality of life while he is able to be aware and enjoy it?

I honestly do not know what I am going to do. My first step is to visit a variety of Independent Living Facilities and see if there is one that is affordable and large enough for our needs.  I have two main priorities at this point in our Alzheimer journey. The first is to see that Sid’s physical, emotional, and social needs are met, and the second is to make sure I am free to work to provide for us. Oh, and there is that “no cooking” enticement.

What do you think? Have any of you chosen this lifestyle? Was it a good choice?

Message Board Topic: Joan’ Blog – A lifestyle change.

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©Copyright 2009 Joan Gershman

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