JOAN’S BLOG – TUESDAY, AUGUST 19, 2008 – THINKING ABOUT THE JOURNEY’S END

I keep what little sanity I have left, by living one day at a time, and not thinking ahead to the cruel devastation that awaits us at the end. This is extremely difficult for me to write about, but I feel the need to address it, because many of our members have come to the end of the journey, and many others are facing its imminence. I especially want to thank Frand who has the courage to share her painful end-of-life experiences with us on the Message Boards.  We need her knowledge, and she needs our support.

Yes, Alzheimer’s Disease has stolen the man I fell in love with at first sight, and stayed in love with for more than three decades. Alzheimer’s Disease has made our lives a living Hell, one which neither of us ever imagined could have existed.  But reading those messages of death and loneliness, has forced me to reach deep into my soul and think about what is important in my life. It is the husband who is still walking, talking, and understanding most of what is going on around him. While he is able, I desperately would like us to try to enjoy some parts of our life together. His temper is unpredictable; his anger and depression over the loss of driving is unabated; his short term memory is non-existent; his comprehension is spotty; but if Alzheimer’s Disease would allow him a respite to come out of the hole of depression, we would be able to enjoy a movie together; dinner with friends; a day at the pool; a short cruise vacation.

The end of life messages have made me yearn desperately for quality time with my husband. The Alzheimer Devil is fighting against me, but I am fighting back. The end is a long way from us, and I want us to be able to enjoy as much of the time we have as is possible.

Please continue to post your comments on the existing Message Board topic: What I wish I had known about the dying process...

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