JOAN’S BLOG – MON/TUE, DECEMBER 7/8, 2009 – WHEN “WE” BECAME “I”

For the first 20 years of my life, my experiences, although limited and sheltered, were my own. I  learned to ride a bicycle; I excelled in school; I learned to drive; I went to college dances; I made some stupid decisions in college that landed me in hot water with my parents; I graduated; I got married. When I spoke about these experiences to other people, it was in the first person.

Somewhere in the middle of my next 20 years, it occurred to me that "I" had become "WE". I never spoke in the first person anymore. My husband and I had become “WE”. Whatever experience I had, it was relayed to others as “WE”. It was not just trips we had taken and shows we had seen, It was everything.

Whenever a question was asked of ME, I always answered in the plural:

“Have you been to the new store that opened in town?”  “No, not yet. We haven’t had the chance. We're going next weekend.”

“Are you having company for Thanksgiving?” “Yes, We always have a big crowd.”

“How was your weekend?” “We spent both days watching TV and chilling out.”

That is not to say I did not have my own interests, activities, and friends. Of course I did. My husband was a workaholic retail store manager, so I did have time to go to museums, lunches, movies, and get-togethers with friends, while he worked at least ½ of every weekend, and certainly during my Christmas breaks from school.

But generally, We enjoyed each other’s company, were each other’s best friends, spent as much time together as possible, and except for an occasional business trip by Sid, or a visit by me to my sister, never would even consider going anywhere overnight without each other.

And so it went for the next almost 20 years of my life. Then Alzheimer’s Disease blast into Our lives. It was with more than a touch of sadness that in the last year, I realized, We have become I once again. I find myself talking in the first person, as I have not done since I was 20 years old (41 years ago, for those of you who are checking on my age). As my husband’s abilities have declined, I am making most decisions, handling household problems, dealing with family problems, and even going on business trips by myself:

“I sold the car.”
“I will discuss the situation with my lawyer.”
“I am changing banks.”

We still go to social events together – theater, movies, out to dinner, friends’ houses – and will continue to do so as long as Sid is able. But little by little, faster and faster, Alzheimer’s Disease is turning We into I. I wonder if this is to prepare me for when We will be physically gone forever, and I will truly be only I?

Sunday night, We went out to dinner with friends, and then to a fabulous live entertainment musical show. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves, and I treasure every moment that We is still possible.

MESSAGE BOARD TOPIC: When "We" Became "I"

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The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
2009 All Rights Reserved

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