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JOAN'S BLOG - TUESDAY, DECEMBER 29, 2009 - TREASURE THEM WHILE THEY ARE HERE

While I am taking my little at home "mini vacation" this week, I am printing excerpts from my favorite previous blogs. The following is a letter from a reader that was taken from a longer blog highlighting information our members shared with me:

Hi,  My name is Joyce and my Husband passed away December 14th, 2007.  Your blogs have helped me so much, I wish I had found them before he passed.  I have such guilt.  I behaved the way most all caregivers behave after a while, the attitude, the resentment.  I was angry because he was adding loneliness to the equation.  I can handle most anything, just not loneliness, but he continued to sit alone in his room, and I continued on in my "pity party" for myself.  I thought we were just entering mid-stage alz, I thought each stage lasted quite a while.  I didn't know that I only had three weeks left to just enjoy his "presence".  If I could have him back again I could handle it all with a smile, because I didn't really know what loneliness means, until now.  Just to see him again would be so wonderful even if he said "who are you".  I would just give him a hug and hold him very tightly to me.  Instead of the "pity parties" I held for myself,  I wish I had gone into his room and held his hand and had a conversation with him, even if he couldn't understand me.   Bottom line to this, is that I would go through this all over again, and try to remember each day to show him the love I felt for him, If I had only known what these days would feel like!!  Now I truly am lonely.

Thanks, Joyce

We are on a difficult journey; there is no doubt about that, and we all handle it poorly at one time or another, but we do the best we can with the knowledge and understanding we have at the time. Rather than feel guilty, I think we need to learn from our experiences, and try to do better going forward. From Joyce, I have learned that I need to spend quality time with my husband while he is here.

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©Copyright 2009 Joan Gershman 
The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
2009 All Rights Reserved           

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