JOAN’S WEEKEND BLOG – DECEMBER 19/20, 2009 – NOW I AM SWEET AND CUTE

Ah, the roller coaster ride that is Alzheimer’s Disease. A year ago I was a traitor, a betrayer of trust, a demon deserving of any insult, verbal abuse and emotional pain my Alzheimer’s Diseased husband could inflict upon me. I was fat, unattractive, and unworthy. All of this because I had taken away his driving.

Today, a year later, when I look in the mirror, I see a year of stress etched in every line, dark circle under my eyes, and puffiness in the face staring back at me. I hardly recognize it. Yet this year, although he is still not driving, still not happy about it, and sees no reason for it, not a day goes by when he does not hug me, kiss me, profess his love for me, and tell me how sweet and cute I am.

He does not want to go to bed unless I am with him; he cannot fall asleep without holding my hand or touching me; rather than get up, he would prefer to stay in bed all day and cuddle.

There is no way I would prefer the anger, rage, and verbal abuse of last year to this new found affection for me. But this love is not the adult passion and emotional connection we used to share, and for which I continue to grieve. Rather it seems rooted in a childlike dependence, which I find sad. Another progression farther into the Alzheimer tunnel. Another progression toward “caregiver” rather than “wife”.

On the upside, what woman could complain about being continually told how cute and sweet she is? Okay, maybe I would prefer “stunningly attractive” or “hot and sexy” to “cute and sweet”, but it beats the vile epithets that were hurled at me last year. When dealing with Alzheimer’s Disease, a spouse must be grateful for whatever positives come their way.

This cute and sweet Alzheimer spouse wishes you a calm and peaceful weekend.

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The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
2009 All Rights Reserved

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