JOAN’S BLOG – TUES/WED, DECEMBER 15/16, 2009 – TRYING TO HOLD ON TO WHAT HE HAS- WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT RESOLVE?

In the beginning of this Alzheimer journey, my husband was adamant that he was going to try to hold onto whatever abilities he had. He was going to utilize and practice whatever he was able to do, in the hope that he would lose those abilities later rather than sooner.

Grocery shopping became an exercise in remembering where each item was located, and being able to recall its position as soon as he entered the store. Emptying the dishwasher was an exercise in remembering on which shelf and which drawer each item belonged. Making the salad demonstrated that he was capable of small motor tasks. Asking for just a small clue in an effort to recall information was his method of keeping his mind as sharp as possible, even considering the Alzheimer’s Disease.

Somewhere along this journey’s path, he seems to have either given up on his efforts, or Alzheimer’s Disease has forced his hand. It seems to me there is a little bit of both at work. He now complains about grocery shopping and salad making, even though he has not lost any ability to do either.

He is “spacing out” more than he used to when we are with friends, which is directly attributed to Alzheimer progression. However, when we are home, he “zones out” completely. Unless I get his attention by calling his name and making him look at me, he does not pay attention to anything I say. When, within 15 seconds, he asks what I had just said, I no longer answer right away. I tell him to think about it, and sure enough, it usually comes to him. I do believe that at home, he has become so dependent on me to tell him what is going on when, what to do and when to do it, that he does not bother to try to think or do anything on his own, regardless of his previous vow to do as much as he could while he could. He seems to have abandoned that philosophy, and I have decided that I am not going to let him. If he is capable of processing what I have said; if he is capable of remembering something within a few minutes, I am going to wait it out and let him try to do it on his own.

Due to the progression of the disease, he has absolutely no self initiation skills, so I understand that it is my job to plan activities for him, remind him to play the brain exercise computer games, and set up card/game get-togethers with his Alzheimer buddies. I have no problem with that, as I have no intention of frustrating him by forcing him to do that which he is not capable. But neither do I think I would be doing him any favors by letting him abandon what self reliance he does possess, and allowing him to be more dependent on me than is necessary.

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com
 

©Copyright 2009 Joan Gershman 
The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
2009 All Rights Reserved

The material included on this website contains general information intended as information only. This site is not intended to provide personal, professional, medical, or psychological advice, and should not be relied upon to govern behavior in any certain or particular circumstances. The opinions in the blogs are solely those of the owner of the website. The opinions on the message boards are not necessarily endorsed by the owner of this website, and are the opinions of those persons writing the messages. All material on this web site is for demonstration and informational purposes only.

The Alzheimer Spouse LLC 2009 All Rights Reserved