JOAN’S BLOG – THURSDAY/FRIDAY, MARCH 13/14, 2008 – IF OUR SPOUSES WERE CURED TODAY, COULD WE RETURN TO THE WAY WE WERE? 

My thanks to Jayne, whose message board post, I Had a Dream, was the inspiration for this Blog. She dreamt that that her husband was free of AD, and she questioned – Could we ever go back to the way we were before?

I have often thought about that. If a pill could erase AD from my husband’s brain, would it be possible to pick up where we left off in our relationship before AD wormed its way in and fed on it like a parasite?

A strong, loving relationship is based upon the accumulation of shared experiences, both positive and negative, continued nourishment of each other’s emotional needs, current feelings of joy and passion when in one another’s company, and expectations of continued bonding. When something such as Alzheimer’s Disease, comes along to disrupt the flow of one or more of these aspects, the relationship changes.  

As we know, AD alters the personality of the afflicted; the reactions of the well spouse; and the manner in which both spouses relate to one another. With memory loss and language confusion, deep levels of conversation are lost. When there is anger, temper tantrums, and verbal abuse, regardless of the fact that it is the “disease” spewing the hurtful words, resentment, pain, and anger builds in the “well” spouse. When the healthy spouse must organize, direct, inform, remind, and in later stages, dress, change, and bathe, the AD spouse, the “partnership” dissolves, and the marriage morphs into a parent/child relationship, which is satisfying to neither of you.

So now the scenario – a magic pill is developed, your spouse takes it, and the next morning wakes up as they were before AD tangled their brain cells. Could we pick up where we left off?  My first thought would be –NO – too much has happened to change each of us – similar to what happens in war time, when the spouse who has lived through the horrors of war that only he/she can understand comes home to the spouse who has become stronger and more self-reliant than before the war. The divorce rate among returning veterans is extremely high.

But then I thought of the few times in the last year that AD allowed my husband to “come back to me”.  (CLICK HERE AND HERE to read those blogs.) I remembered the joy, contentment, and overwhelming love I felt, and I think – YES – we have been through so much together in 38 years, that if a cure were found, we WOULD be able to find our way back to each other.  A bit different, a lot wiser, but, yes, we would be “US” once again.

Please post your responses under Jayne’s MESSAGE BOARD topic – I HAD A DREAM.

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerpouse.com

View Printer Friendly Version

The material included on this website contains general information intended as information only. This site is not intended to provide personal, professional, medical, or psychological advice, and should not be relied upon to govern behavior in any certain or particular circumstances. The opinions in the blogs are solely those of the owner of the website. The opinions on the message boards are not necessarily endorsed by the owner of this website, and are the opinions of those persons writing the messages. All material on this web site is for demonstration and informational purposes only.

The Alzheimer Spouse LLC 2009 All Rights Reserved