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Today I experienced what it is like to have Alzheimer’s – the confusion; inability to act; fear; terror. You will get a good chuckle out of this story at my expense – that’s okay – I, too, was able to laugh at its absurdity AFTER THE FACT.  But in the midst of it all, I learned what it must feel like to have Alzheimer’s Disease, which helped me experience the frustration my husband must face all of the time.
First of all, you have to understand that I have no sense of direction  . None. Sid was always the driving navigator. He had (and still has for the most part) the directional sense of a homing pigeon. I, on the other hand, once got lost walking in my own neighborhood. It’s a genetic flaw – honestly- everyone on my father’s side of the family has it.

Today, all I was trying to do was drive from my house to the house of my 11 AM tutoring client. I have been there twice before, but haven’t quite gotten the directions correct, and got lost and confused both times (Mapquest is no help- they got the directions wrong). I made it to the second main street I was supposed to turn onto, but I couldn’t remember which way to turn. I chose wrong, and found myself face to face with the entrance to…………..The Florida Turnpike!  And no way to avoid it. Panic set in immediately. I whizzed through the Sunpass Lane – the one you’re supposed to have a device on the windshield for (that’s in our other car), so I’ll probably be getting a citation from the Florida State Police. “First exit; first exit; first exit”, I kept repeating to myself. It was a rest stop that came up about 10 minutes later (on the Left, of course). Lucky me, or so I thought -  there was a State Police car right in the parking lot. I got out of my car, and ran up to the car which had a State Trooper in it. He took off with me running and waving at him. Did he not see me running after him? I don’t know – all I know is that I was frightened that I would never get help, and worried that I’d never get where I was going.

A nice man came out of the gas station, and I started yelling, – “I need to get off of this turnpike! I need to get off of this turnpike!”  Because I was so agitated, I could not follow his directions without asking him to repeat them at least 3 times. I THOUGHT  I followed his directions, but as I did what I swore he told me, and took the first exit that had my town’s name on it, I came face to face with the entrance to…………….The Florida Turnpike AGAIN. Now I was hysterical. This time I got into a lane that had a person in the little toll booth box. I yelled at her too. “I need to get off of this turnpike. Get me off of this turnpike.” After she made me pay $8, because I hadn’t gotten a ticket when I ran through the Sunpass Lane on the first go through, she gave me directions to get off of the Turnpike. I made it off, and onto the road I was supposed to be on, and arrived at my client’s house 25 minutes late.

What did I learn from this experience (besides that I should have clients come to my house)? I learned what it feels like to be forgetful, so confused and upset that you can’t follow directions, panicked when you can’t figure out what to do, and frightened because you don’t think things will ever get better. I learned what it feels like to have Alzheimer’s Disease.  A few days ago, I wrote on the message boards that I needed to find patience to deal with Sid, his constant forgetfulness, his anger and temper when things don’t go as he wants, and his need for more and more specific directions. By exchanging places with him, experiencing all of his panic, frustration, anger, and fear, I think I found that patience today.

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©Copyright 2007 Joan Gershman 

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