JOAN’S BLOG – THURS/FRIDAY, OCTOBER 1/2, 2009 – FRIGHTENING PROSPECT OF CAREGIVER SURGERY

Physical therapy on my knee was going well. Very well. You see, I was in good condition before my knee injury, so it did not take long for my legs to respond to the exercises and get strong again. I came to therapy with #9 pain on a scale of 1-10, and within two weeks, was down to a 2.5. No pain during the exercises. The physical therapist was impressed, so last Thursday, she gave me more and more to do. I rose to the challenge, I am proud to say. Step-ups, leg extension machine, balance exercises – yes sir, I was a star pupil. Then I went home, and things went down hill from there. By Sunday, I was at a #10 pain level, and thinking of how I could score some pain drugs (just kidding – kind of).

I saw the doctor on Wednesday, and he said just because I CAN do an exercise does not mean I SHOULD do it. He will tell the PT to go easy on me. But the bottom line is that if physical therapy does not strengthen my leg muscles enough to relieve the knee pain, I have no choice but to have surgery to fix the meniscus tear. Oh, and he did prescribe pain medication for me, so I can sleep comfortably for a change.

It is no exaggeration to say that I panicked at the word “surgery.” Not because I cannot handle a surgical procedure. God knows, I have had enough experience with them, but this time, I am a caregiver. It is a whole different ball game.

If I cannot drive, Sid will be wildly angry that HE cannot drive me to my appointments, and drive himself to the grocery story. I do not need to handle his rage while I am trying to recover from surgery.

He was attentive to my needs during the previous surgical procedures. He fixed my meals, helped me wash and dress. Now he is physically weak, and although helps around the house when I ask, he hates to do it, complains, and tires easily. As discussed in Monday's blog, everything is a major project to him; he has difficulty following directions; and he gets frustrated quickly. That does not bode well for him learning to do laundry, as that need surely will arise during my convalescence. Nor does it bode well for him helping ME with ADL’s (dressing, showering).

I tried to calm down and look at this logically. The Villa/ALF bus can take me to and from the hospital, succeeding doctor appointments, and I can have physical therapy at the ALF next door. A friend can take Sid grocery shopping. My dinner meal is delivered to my door, and the cleaning man comes once a week. Sid can be kept busy on our Villa outings. I guess I can do this if I have to.  But honestly, I will miss the tender care my husband provided for me during past surgical recuperations.

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