JOAN’S BLOG – TUESDAY, March 11, 2008 – THE BOSSY CAREGIVER SPOUSE
I’m finding myself falling short (again!) in handling some of the day to day problems that occur in life with an AD spouse. In particular, is my insistence that whatever my husband does should be done when I say so. Now, I’m not an ogre, honestly. It’s just that I know for sure if he gets involved in a project, – as in trying to figure out the GPS (see yesterday’s blog below), as he wanted to do this morning, it can take HOURS. No problem, you and everyone else will say. So what? Well, the so what is that he ALSO wanted go down the road to work out at the gym and grocery shop. Just seems to me that he should have gotten those errands out of the way first, and THEN spent however long it would take him to program the GPS.
You can imagine that my insistence on him doing his tasks on my time table caused a bit of anger and resistance. As I am writing this, I am realizing how it sounds. Keeping the peace should have been my first priority. I should let him do his jobs whenever and however he wants – You would think that after all of my talking and writing about walking away from arguments, as long as safety is not involved, I would have learned.
In giving this more thought, as I write it, I am guessing that the two real issues here are CONTROL AND RESENTMENT. I really need to stop being such a control freak. Yes, I do. Being a control freak under normal circumstances is not the most positive personality trait, but with an AD spouse, it is just a prescription for trouble. I know there are some of you out there who suffer from the same ailment – Have you overcome it, and if so, please tell me how.
The resentment is still there simmering under the surface. Because he has the disease, he cannot change. Because I do not have the disease, I have to continually change my personality (even if it is one of the negative aspects, like needing control), make the concessions, give in.  That is my second question to you – How do you overcome the resentment?
Oh, I know plenty of spousal caregivers who have given up control and resentment, but they have done it with heavy duty “happy pills” , and I prefer not to go that route.
MESSAGE BOARD TOPIC: The Bossy Caregiver Spouse

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