JOAN’S BLOG – WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 2007 – THE BOND THAT CANNOT BE BROKEN – A DIFFERING OPINION ON THE EMOTIONAL DIVORCE

Yesterday’s Blog topic of the “Emotional Divorce” by Dr. Marvin Fredman” certainly elicited some strong e-mail and message board responses.

As someone trained in the field of language, I can tell you that ten people can read the same article, and it will be interpreted ten different ways, depending upon the reader’s life experience, philosophy, faith, and belief system. Just because I am a language fanatic, I find that phenomenon fascinating.

Some of our readers felt that Dr. Fredman was telling us to turn off our emotions concerning our spouse; some felt that he was simply telling us to accept it when our spouse cannot meet our emotional needs; others thought he was just way off base altogether. In any case, I thought it was worth discussing, and I thank those who participated. To those who have not yet read the article, please do so and let us hear what you think. Click here for article.

Today I would like to offer you the other side of the coin – a bond so strong that even when your spouse can no longer meet your emotional needs; is no longer the person you fell in love with; no longer even knows who you are – your connection to them is forever.

This is my example of our bond begun from the first time we looked into each other’s eyes, a bond that AD has tested to the limit, but one that is still holding.

Through the years, I have had many surgeries. Never once, during any of those operations, was I without Sid holding my hand until the last moment when they wheeled me into the operating room. It was his face I saw first when I woke up; it was his hand that held mine; it was his tears I felt when he kissed me; tears of joy that I actually did wake up from one of the most serious surgeries. I needed him with me; I felt as if a piece of me was missing when he was not by my side.

Next week, Sid has to undergo a heart procedure – routine to the doctors (as they are always so fond of telling you) – but understandably frightening to him. I have to take him to the hospital and LEAVE him there overnight. He will have the procedure the next day. There is absolutely no way I am going to let them take him into that operating room without me being there to hold his hand and reassure him before they wheel him away. There is absolutely no way I am not going to be the first face he sees when he wakes up. I told him that if they give me an argument about it, I am not above playing the “Alzheimer’s Card”. I will tell them that he will be frightened and confused without me. That is not altogether untrue. He definitely will be frightened. I am not sure if he will be confused.

For 37 years, we have been there for each other in times of trial and times of joy.  In spite of the stress and strain Alzheimer’s Disease has placed on our relationship, even when the time comes that he cannot be there for me, I will be there for him.

So there you have the other side of the “Emotional Divorce”.

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