JOAN’S BLOG – TUESDAY/WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 8/9, 2008 – THE ALZHEIMER CRUISE – JOY, SADNESS, AND HUMOR

I’m back from another valuable learning experience. As many of you know, we were part of a group put together by Patrick Toal, geriatric social worker/travel agent of  www.openseastravel.com.  The purpose of the cruise was to give caregivers a vacation from their stressful duties. The plan was to eat (a lot), swim, sleep, sightsee, RELAX , and attend caregiver workshops onboard. Our group, however, did not want to go on a cruise without our AD husbands, who are functioning well enough that we are still able to travel with them. Patrick was very accommodating to our needs, and allowed us to bring our husbands.

I learned three significant lessons from this trip – the importance of planning ahead, the merit in learning as much as possible about AD, and the value of friendship with other Alzheimer spouses.

Lesson #1 – BE PREPARED. In a Blog, and on the Message Boards(The Travel Topic) , we have previously discussed planning ahead for a trip with an AD spouse. Click on the highlighted links in the previous sentence for that information. I made sure I carried all of the travel documents and cash. Everything was organized by category in plastic bags inside of my tote bag. But you cannot plan for EVERYTHING. The unexpected does happen, which in this case was long security lines similar to those in an airport. As I have previously mentioned, I have not cruised in 17 years, so I was not prepared for the extra levels of security. No problem for me, but an AD patient cannot handle a disruption in routine. I could see Sid getting agitated and confused. The attendants did NOT want anyone to sit in the chairs – they kept pushing us along through the lines. Too bad. I sat Sid down in one of the chairs, explained what the procedures were, waited until he was calmer and then we proceeded. The attendants did not bother us, but if they had, I was prepared with my “Alzheimer explanation card”( Please Be Patient....The person with me has Alzheimer's Disease, and may require a few extra moments. Thank you for understanding.)

Lesson #2 – Learn as much as possible about AD. I have read extensivelyon the subject of AD. I should have known the crowds and the unknown were going to agitate him. Once we were on the ship and settled into our stateroom, he was tired, angry, and upset. He does not function well “off routine”, and needs to know what is going to happen next, or else he gets stressed. Once again, I managed to calm him down by explaining what the plans were for the afternoon and evening. This situation saddened me, because it was AD throwing ice water in my face, and screaming – “Wake up girl! Don’t ever forget that your husband has AD. Don’t ever let your guard down and think your life is “normal.”

Thank goodness there is humor. The eight of us had our own table for dinner. We were all seated, and my Mr. Hyde turned into Dr. Jekyll - he was smiling, friendly, joking with the other guys. All of the husbands were happy. I leaned over to one of the wives and told her I could not believe how he was behaving.  I told her how upset he was 15 minutes before. All four wives were laughing, because each one relayed a similar story. By the next day, all of the guys had settled down, and were able to enjoy the rest of the cruise.

Lesson #3 – The value of friendship with other Alzheimer spouses. With the eight of us, there is no stress or worry that one of our husbands will say or do something bizarre. We expect it, and we understand. No explanations necessary. We understand each other’s problems, We support each other emotionally, help each other physically, lean on each other when needed, and laugh together often.

As was occasionally the case, if one of the guys was tired or grumpy, we let him sleep it off in the cabin, and no one had a problem with it. One of the husbands is more advanced than the others, so he was never left alone. It was heartwarming to see the three other AD guys watch out for him. One or all of them escorted him to the bathroom, and waited for him.

We had a fantastic time. We all took a trolley tour of Key West and went to the live show onboard every night. When I was shopping on the little Bahamas island owned by the cruise line, Sid sat on a lounge on the beach and waited for me. When we “girls” were in a support group meeting with Patrick, our guys sat with each other in one of the ship’s lounges. Sid and I always had our walkie-talkies on, so we could stay in touch.

And we laughed. Yes, even with Alzheimer’s Disease in your life, it is still possible to enjoy life and laugh. The husband in our group who is more advanced than the others, sometimes perks up, and has a very dry sense of humor that is right on target. One night, the eight of us piled into one of elevators, laughing and making jokes about Alzheimer’s Disease (when you’re living it, you’re allowed to make jokes about it). There were three 20ish age people in the elevator with us, and they looked at us like we were crazy – I could almost hear them thinking – “What do a bunch of old codgers like them have to laugh about?”

If you are able to join a support group, I encourage everyone to make friends in the group. It will allow you to have a “normal” social life with friends who will not stop calling because your spouse has AD.

We are all home now. There will be plenty more stressful days; many more tears; a lot of difficult days ahead, but there is also the knowledge that there can still be good times with great friends even when your spouse has AD.

A special thank you to Patrick Toal of www.openseastravel.com for his kindness and compassion.  An extra special thank you to the inventor of the seasickness patch, which works like a charm!

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com

View Printer Friendly Version

The material included on this website contains general information intended as information only. This site is not intended to provide personal, professional, medical, or psychological advice, and should not be relied upon to govern behavior in any certain or particular circumstances. The opinions in the blogs are solely those of the owner of the website. The opinions on the message boards are not necessarily endorsed by the owner of this website, and are the opinions of those persons writing the messages. All material on this web site is for demonstration and informational purposes only.

The Alzheimer Spouse LLC 2009 All Rights Reserved