JOAN’S BLOG – THURSDAY, AUGUST 7, 2008 – WORDS OF INSPIRATION TO GET US THROUGH

There is no doubt that Alzheimer’s Disease is the cruelest of diseases to both the patient and caregiver spouse. Anyone who is living through it, reads my blogs, or reads the message boards, knows of the totality of the brain, relationship, and emotional destruction this disease brings with it. No one who has not experienced it, could ever understand its full scope – the disintegration of personality, mental and  physical abilities, as well as memory. No one who has not experienced it, could ever understand its effect on the spouse – the loss of companionship, partnership and love of the ill spouse; the anger and resentment; the loneliness; the never ending grief as each stage steals more of our loving spouse.

And yet, through it all, there is inspiration and hope. Now, considering the pain and stress I have undergone this past month, you must be wondering how I could possibly make such a statement. I am making it because of the words and ideas of the strong people I have met on this journey – some of them right here on our Message Boards. I would like to share with you the attitudes and wise words of these people. I hope you will gain strength, resolve, and hope from them.

Nikki from the Message Boards –   “…..My heart was once indeed shredded almost daily, by loss after compounding loss. But, I won’t let it consume me. I choose now, to stop looking back on all that we have lost, all that could have been- and just try to live in today. Accept this as our lives, our fate. Each day is what I make it. Sure it is marred by Alzheimer's, but I can't control Alzheimer's. All I can control is how I let this disease affect me. My reactions deeply impact Lynn's moods as well. So I believe positive attitude is key. It took me many years of heartbreak to reach this new path, it was hard earned and I am rather proud I have made it thus far.” 

Sandi from the Message Boards – “ I was determined not to let this disease claim two lives.”

A woman I have met through networking – “Life is not fair, but this is life. I was a widow once, and while this husband is here on earth, I am determined to make our lives as good as they can be in spite of Alzheimer’s Disease. We may not be able to talk to each other or make love in the same manner as before, but we adapt to what we can do, even if it’s just holding hands and watching the sunset. He didn’t ask for this disease; I want to ease his suffering as much as I can.”

A social worker – “You cannot change your spouse’s behavior. Alzheimer’s Disease is in control of that. You can only change your response to it. If you learn a method to make him/her less agitated and comfortable, so too will your life be easier.”

Teena Cahill – from her book, “The Cahill Factor – Turning Adversity into Advantage” – “I refuse to be defined by life’s events, pressures or expectations, choosing instead to be defined by my reaction to them……Responsibility and expectations force us to dig deeply until we find our strengths, use the potential within us, and eventually understand who we are and what we cherish in life………..to find our authentic selves.”

As for me, I am a work in progress; learning as much as I can, and trying my best to use the wise advice given me by so many knowledge and experienced people. However, I can tell you that when I read Teena’s words, it was as if I had written them myself. I strongly believe that adversity brings out our strengths, and if anything positive can be gained from this Alzheimer’s journey, it is in finding the strengths we did not know we possessed. Please click on the links to two previous blogs that celebrate this within us. Can Anything Positive Come out of This AD Journey? and Making a Difference Through Caregiving.

 Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com

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