JOAN’S BLOG – FRIDAY, MARCH 13, 2009 – DO YOU EVER WONDER…….
 
Now that  medication has calmed Sid’s storm, at least for now, I have had a little time to think. And I was thinking……………..What would my life be like now if Alzheimer’s Disease had not intruded?

Sid had to retire early due to his illness, and I took a much too early retirement in order for us to move to Florida, where the quality of life would be better for both of us. Between Sid’s neuropathy, arthritis, and spinal stenosis, and my intolerance of the cold, we figured that whatever else was going on medically, at least we could always participate in outside activities and never worry again about shoveling snow, driving or walking on ice, and getting frostbite walking to the mailbox.

But what if he had not developed Alzheimer’s Disease? What if we both continued to work at our jobs? Since his job was so stressful, we were on the cusp of having him cut down, and me pick up the financial slack, when the disease’s intermittent, questionable symptoms fully erupted. Although we would still be living up North and freezing, we would be financially solvent, saving money for a future retirement (nine more years and I would have retired at 80% of my salary), and traveling to warm climates during my school vacations. We would be exchanging stories about our work day activities; stories he would remember. He would be free, independent, driving, and we would probably have taken road trips on my summer vacations –trips to places we have never been – Nashville, Memphis ( I always wanted to see Graceland), maybe even the Grand Canyon. Most important of all, we would still be “US” .  We would be doing what we have been doing since the day we met – cheering each other on; laughing and crying at life together; handling disagreements by compromising; walking hand in hand; encircled by that loving emotional bond of which we have spoken so often on this website.  My eyes would be sparkling instead of sad; his would be relaxed, instead of engorged with rage.

But then I think of the irony of life. Had Alzheimer’s Disease not struck my husband, would I have achieved my life long dream to be a writer? Would I have become a spokesperson, advocate, and speaker?  Would I have developed what has become the #1 website on the Internet for AD spousal information and support? Would I have traveled and met so many authors, doctors, researchers, legislators? I certainly would not have “met” all of you. These achievements do not come without guilt. It does not seem fair that as my husband’s world has diminished, mine has broadened. It does not seem fair that my horizons are expanding due to the devastating disease that will eventually destroy the love of my life. I would exchange it all if I could have my husband back, healthy and complete; if I could have my finances back. I am sure I would have found another way to fulfill my personal dreams. This way is too cruel.

What about you? Do you ever think about what your life would have been like had Alzheimer’s Disease not possessed your spouse’s brain?  Like me, wouldn’t you give up all your newly found skills, knowledge, and wisdom this disease has thrust upon you to have your old love and life back? 

Message Board Topic – Do you ever wonder…………

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com

The material included on this website contains general information intended as information only. This site is not intended to provide personal, professional, medical, or psychological advice, and should not be relied upon to govern behavior in any certain or particular circumstances. The opinions in the blogs are solely those of the owner of the website. The opinions on the message boards are not necessarily endorsed by the owner of this website, and are the opinions of those persons writing the messages. All material on this web site is for demonstration and informational purposes only.

The Alzheimer Spouse LLC 2009 All Rights Reserved