JOAN’S BLOG, MONDAY, JUNE 17, 2013 – THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS

As a female child in the 1950’s, I was brought up to believe that my goal in life was to be a wife and mother. Any female not married by the age of 21, was considered an “old maid”, a most depressing and degrading title to befall a woman.

By the time I entered college in the rebellious and sexual freedom 1960’s, I began to see the world a bit differently. I still wanted to be loved and married to someone special, but I also wanted to be educated, independent, have a career ( as a high school English teacher), live on my own a bit and explore the world and its possibilities.

I had my first date with Sid in November of my senior year in college, fell instantly and madly in love, and began the new decade of the 1970’s as a young married woman. I never did land that teaching job, as the market was overloaded at the time, and I ended up working in an office. We pooled our money and made financial decisions together.

When our son was born in 1974, I became a full time wife and mother. Sid was a workaholic, setting up a new retail electronics business, which required lengthy days in a 6 day work week, leaving little “us” time. I learned to be independent, handle the bills, take care of the baby, and find activities on my own. The time we did have together was precious and special.

As our son grew, I worked as a special education assistant that accommodated his schedule, allowing me to be home with him on school vacations and summers. I used my education background to run cub scout meetings, train baby sitters for our local sitting service. I used my creativity in my job and developed an art program to facilitate language for my special education students. When our son was old enough to drive, and my chauffeuring duties were ended, I took night courses to prepare for a career in speech/language therapy.

By the time I was forced into retirement because of a new Federal licensing law, I was making enough money to live on my own if I so chose, which, of course, I did not. I secured a car loan on my own for Sid’s dream car. I had earned respect and admiration in my field, and I felt like the independent, successful woman I had always wanted to be. I was quite proud of myself.

As independent and accomplished as I thought I was, I understand now that none of my success would have been possible without his loving support, encouragement, and belief in me. He believed I was smart enough to do anything, but he was always there to lift me up when I fell, to pick up the pieces and make things right if I made a stupid financial move without first informing him. He always found a way to fix what I had broken, whether it was financial or emotional.

Now that I find myself “alone”, having to make all of the decisions, and having no one on whom to lean for support, I realize that he truly was the “wind beneath my wings”, as I now feel like a bird with no wings. I cannot fly. I can barely walk. Through no fault of his, he is no longer capable of supplying the wind, support, or help.

I sit here in the depths of despair over his declining Alzheimer’s and physical condition, in financial ruin, and facing impossible decisions between placing him in a facility that will properly care for him, but leave me homeless, or taking care of him at home until I drop dead from the work, stress, isolation, and loneliness. Yes, he did believe that I could do anything. He was wrong. I am unable to find a way to get him the care he needs at this most vulnerable time of his life, without sacrificing a place for me to live. He cannot help me with this one. How I miss that wind.

MESSAGE BOARD: Joan's Blog - The Wind Beneath My Wings

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com
©Copyright 2013 Joan Gershman
The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
2013 All Rights Reserved
Under penalty of copyright laws, this information cannot be copied or posted on any website, media, or print outlet, without referencing the author and website from which it was taken.

RECENT BLOGS:

What if it Were Me? - April 19, 2013 - My caregiving stress has led to impatience and grouchiness, which has made me think about how I would feel if I were in his shoes.

The Cardinal Rule - April 29, 2013 - A reminder, due to my lapse, to never, never, ever, try to explain a complex incident to your spouse.

Caregiving is a Killer - May 15, 2013 - A blog in response to the unthinkable tragedy suffered by one of our members, whose father, in the early stages of dementia, killed his wife, who suffered from chronic, unalleviated pain, and his daughter-in-law, (our member's wife), who was deep into Alzheimer's Disease, before killing himself.

Nothing to Say - May 21, 2013 - Attending a non-Alzheimer social function made me realize how isolated I have become.

CUSTOM DESIGNED SCARVES AND MORE

The material included on this website contains general information intended as information only. This site is not intended to provide personal, professional, medical, or psychological advice, and should not be relied upon to govern behavior in any certain or particular circumstances. The opinions in the blogs are solely those of the owner of the website. The opinions on the message boards are not necessarily endorsed by the owner of this website, and are the opinions of those persons writing the messages. All material on this web site is for demonstration and informational purposes only.           

The Alzheimer Spouse LLC 2010 All Rights Reserved