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JOAN’S BLOG – MON/TUE, SEPTEMBER 13/14, 2010 – WHAT IS KEEPING ME SANE? My husband is very lucky to have a life long friend. They met in the first grade, and have been close friends ever since. His friend just happens to be my cousin. He and his wife were married one month before us in 1970, and the 4 of us have been like brothers and sisters to one another ever since. It was with joy and anticipation that I awaited their arrival for dinner on Friday night at my house to welcome them back from their summer cross country trip. The evening turned out to be a 3 Act Black Comedy. Five minutes before Mike and Annie (names have been changed to protect the innocent) arrived, I had returned from the ALF next door with my father, wheeling him into the den. Sid was in his usual spot – his recliner with his walker set up next to him. They came armed with a bag full of pictures and DVD’s from their trip. They were their usual selves – upbeat, happy, and talkative. My father was his usual self – complaining. My AD husband was his usual self – quiet, self absorbed, and blank looking. And I was what has become my usual self – exhausted, but happy to have the family together. Within 5 minutes, both my husband and father were calling me to bring them drinks. Annie looked at me and handed me a glass of wine We left the men in the den, and did manage ½ an hour of girl talk, before I was called into the den to play one of the DVD’s from the trip. Sorry to say, but the woman who can handle website software, manage a website, place advertising code into a website, and maneuver around a computer like a pro, cannot work the DVD player Since Sid is unable to process, follow, and remember dinnertime conversation that swirls around his head, he sat quietly and ate what I served him, while everyone talked. When I sat down to eat, my father informed me that the fizz was out of his soda, and I needed to get him another glass. I poured him more soda. At the end of the meal, he looked at his glass, and said that the fizz was out of his soda. I needed to get him some with fizz. I got up to get him more fizz. While Sid was saying nothing, and my father was obsessing on his lack of fizz, Annie shot me one of her “Oh my God” looks. Then Sid had to go to the bathroom. It took Mike and me to hold his chair for him, 4 valiant tries for him to lift himself up onto the walker, and hobble into the bathroom. After the chocolate cake was served, the men went back into the den, one on a walker, Mike pushing the other one in his wheelchair. As Annie was helping me clean up, she asked, “How do you stay sane??? You are here alone with all of this.” Working from the premise that I AM actually sane, I thought about the question for a few minutes, and answered that my writing At that point, I remembered that she is always asking me what she can do for me, so I told her I wanted her to take me out for a day to lunch and the Sketchers Discount Outlet The evening ended with Mike taking my father back to the ALF for me, and when everyone went home, I called Comcast. The nice lady told me which button to press on which remote control MESSAGE BOARD TOPIC: Joan's Blog - What Keeps Me Sane Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com
©Copyright 2010 Joan Gershman
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. For me. Not them. 
. I pressed a few buttons, and the DVD music started to play, but of course, there was no picture. I pressed another button, and that was the end of that. The TV was all snow and static. I stood there with 3 different remote controls in my hands, dinner warmed up and ready to go, and 3 angry men staring at me. I know my husband and his AD behavior well enough to know what was coming next. The thought of being without his TV was going to possess his mind into an obsession; he was going to be angry and agitated all evening, and I was going to be on edge. I could see the tension and stress building in his face
. I looked him straight in the eye, and said, “ Stop. Now. We are not going to watch TV until everyone leaves. I will call Comcast, and the nice lady will tell me which buttons to press to make the TV work again. Do you understand me? I will get the TV working for you LATER.” His face relaxed somewhat, and we all sat down to dinner. 
keeps me sane. Yes, I have a wonderful support system of friends, help from the ALF when I need it, and social workers I can call on in a crisis, but it is my writing that keeps me sane. It is an outlet for emotions that I cannot even share with my support group, and it is something I have always wanted to do, enjoy doing, and need to do. 
(For my male readers – Sketchers is a shoe brand ). So next week, I am driving myself to her house (about 45 minutes from here), and she will drive us to lunch and the Sketchers Outlet. 
(which I wrote down in a notebook for the next time I mess it up), and Sid had his TV back for the night. I then went to bed with visions of Sketchers shoes dancing in my head. 