JOAN’S BLOG – WEDNESDAY, JUNE 17, 2009 – THE VALUE OF FRIENDSHIP

My regular readers are aware of the unique support group of which Sid and I are members. Caregivers and their AD partners meet together for ½ an hour, then split up for an hour. The caregivers go with one social worker to discuss their issues, and those with the memory disorders go with another social worker to do whatever it is they do (It’s called the “Fun Group”. I’m really not sure what they do.) In any case, we have formed a social network outside of group, and we do what every non-Alzheimer couple does – go out to dinner, movies, each other’s houses, outings.

Yesterday, our group was out to lunch (no pun intended), and I happened to notice a plaque on the wall of the restaurant that said, “ One loyal friend is worth a thousand relatives”.  My friend and I looked at each other and noted how true that was. I am NOT disparaging relatives. Many are always there to help when you need them. But, honestly, we have read countless accounts on these message boards of relatives who are too busy, too “emotional”, too angry about past family difficulties, too much in denial, too who knows what, to visit, call, or offer a helping hand when needed. The same can be said about many “pre-Alzheimer” friends.

I was able to go to the Washington DC forum in March, and the Advocacy Training last weekend because I had friends who watched out for Sid, called him, took him to their houses, took him to the movies. One of our friends whose husband was more advanced than the others was able to take him on the 2008 Caregiver Cruise because our earlier stage guys kept an eye on him, always took him to the bathroom, and made sure he did not wander away. When we get together as couples, someone is always there to help with the one in the more advanced stage. We bring food to the house if someone is having a rough time, and too tired to cook. I do research on the disease for a friend who has no time to be on the computer. We are always a phone call away if someone just needs to vent. The only way I can show my appreciation for the assistance I receive from my friends is to extend my hand back to them to offer help in whatever manner they need it. That is a true circle of friendship.

I have very little family, and they are scattered far and wide across the country. Super elderly parents in Rhode Island, with a brother and sister-in-law who have their hands full watching out for them; a sister in Illinois; a son in California. I am lucky in that there are no feuds or dysfunction in my family, but with 1500 miles separating me and the nearest relative, I have to depend on my Florida support group buddies. Without them, I have no idea how I could get through this Alzheimer’s nightmare.

If anyone is interested in forming a caregiver/patient support group, call the Alzheimer’s Association in your area – this type of group is generally for “early stage”, but there is a lot of latitude there. Refer the person with whom you are speaking to me. Give them my web address and e-mail address, and I will get them in touch with our social workers who can explain how to start such a group and how it works.

Let’s put some good news on the message boards. Tell us about a friend (or relative) who is there when you need them. Topic: The value of friendship.

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com

©Copyright 2009 Joan Gershman

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