JOAN’S VALENTINE’S DAY BLOG – FEBRUARY 13/14, 2011

There is a lot going on in my heart and mind this Valentine’s Day. I am remembering a lifetime of love, fun, and passion with the man who has been my best friend since November 1969. I say I am remembering because Alzheimer’s Disease has altered his personality, abilities, and cognition so much that he barely resembles the man in my memory. As I wrote in a very recent blog, which you can read by scrolling down the page, it is now A Different Kind of Love.

I was going to write a blog of memories that we have shared over 40 years together, but when I sat down to the keyboard, I found it too painful. Maybe you are in a better emotional place than I, and will share your good memories with all of us on the Message Boards: A Lifetime of Memories.

In the meantime, I am reprinting our Love Story that is archived in the “Love Story” section on the left of this home page.

                                                          Our Love Story
We both knew on the first date that this was going to be forever. It was as if my heart always had a piece missing. When I found him, I found the piece that made my heart whole . 

We complemented each other – his strengths were my weaknesses, and my strengths were his weaknesses. His business was retail electronics – he could read and understand a technical manual; he could take apart and put together any piece of electronic equipment; he could program the first VCR; he could read road maps; follow driving directions; go someplace once and never need directions again; understand math, debits, credits, and do it all quickly. I could do none of those things, but I had talents he lacked. I could use words and language to pave the way for any occasion. He put together the TV; I wrote the letter complaining about the service. We were a team; we called our team, “US”. If we had an argument, we would quickly make up, telling each other, “I miss “US”.
AD changed everything. His processing is slow; his comprehension of spoken language is poor – he is so easily confused by what is said; he is no longer able to follow the directions for hooking up electronic equipment; he forgets what was said a minute ago. I have had to pick up the slack, trying to learn to do what used to come so easily to him. I am not always successful.
What AD has not changed is his love and concern for me. Not a day goes by that he does not take me in his arms and tell me how much he loves and appreciates me – how he hurts to see me have to bear the burden of so much.
No, he is not the person he was; we do not have the same relationship we had; but through AD education and our support system, we have worked to forge a new relationship. It may be different than the one that came before it, but what is not different is that we will love each other forever. That space in my heart will always be filled by him.
©Copyright 2007 Joan Gershman 

Due to the progression of Alzheimer's Disease, a lot has changed since I wrote this story in 2007. We went through an 18 month period of AD anger and rage so destructive, I thought our relationship was ruined forever. Since that time, medication has calmed him, and he is again very loving towards me. Loving in a childlike, dependent manner, but loving nonetheless. Alzheimer’s Disease has forced me to be satisfied with that.
 ©Copyright 2011 Joan Gershman 
The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
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