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JOAN’S VALENTINE WEEKEND BLOG – FEBRUARY 13/14, 2010

Once upon a time, pre-Alzheimer’s Disease, most of us spouses were lucky enough to have had a lifetime of passion, partnership, and loving devotion with the person of our dreams. On this Valentine’s Day, I prefer to celebrate, be thankful for, and remember that love, rather than mourn the parts I have lost. I am going to enjoy whatever is still left of the relationship my husband and I shared for most of our lives.

I am reprinting our love story that is archived in the “Love Story” section on the left side of the website. On this Valentine’s Day weekend, I encourage all of you to remember your own love story and join me in celebrating that love, as well as focusing on what you may still be able to share with your spouse – holding hands, a caress, a kiss, a hug. There will come a time when even those small gestures will be lost to us. Cherish them now. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Our Love Story

We both knew on the first date that this was going to be forever. It was as if my heart always had a piece missing. When I found him, I found the piece that made my heart whole .
We complemented each other – his strengths were my weaknesses, and my strengths were his weaknesses. His business was retail electronics – he could read and understand a technical manual; he could take apart and put together any piece of electronic equipment; he could program the first VCR; he could read road maps; follow driving directions; go someplace once and never need directions again; understand math, debits, credits, and do it all quickly. I could do none of those things, but I had talents he lacked. I could use words and language to pave the way for any occasion. He put together the TV; I wrote the letter complaining about the service. We were a team; we called our team, “US”. If we had an argument, we would quickly make up, telling each other, “I miss “US”.

AD changed everything. His processing is slow; his comprehension of spoken language is poor – he is so easily confused by what is said; he is no longer able to follow the directions for hooking up electronic equipment; he forgets what was said a minute ago. I have had to pick up the slack, trying to learn to do what used to come so easily to him. I am not always successful.

What AD has not changed is his love and concern for me. Not a day goes by that he does not take me in his arms and tell me how much he loves and appreciates me – how he hurts to see me have to bear the burden of so much.

No, he is not the person he was; we do not have the same relationship we had; but through AD education and our support system, we have worked to forge a new relationship. It may be different than the one that came before it, but what is not different is that we will love each other forever. That space in my heart will always be filled by him.

Due to the progression of Alzheimer's Disease, some things have changed since I wrote this story in 2007. We went through an 18 month period of AD anger and rage so destructive, I thought our relationship was ruined forever. Since that time, medication has calmed him, and he is again very loving towards me. I hope it continues.

Please share your love story with us. MESSAGE BOARD TOPIC: Joan’s Valentine Day Blog

We will be away this weekend, returning late Monday - participating in something very special that has to do with website members. Details and pictures will be posted on Tuesday - maybe even Monday night.

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com

The material included on this website contains general information intended as information only. This site is not intended to provide personal, professional, medical, or psychological advice, and should not be relied upon to govern behavior in any certain or particular circumstances. The opinions in the blogs are solely those of the owner of the website. The opinions on the message boards are not necessarily endorsed by the owner of this website, and are the opinions of those persons writing the messages. All material on this web site is for demonstration and informational purposes only.

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