JOAN’S WEEKEND BLOG – MARCH 27/28, 2010 – UPDATE ON THE UNIVERSAL EMOTIONS OF AD SPOUSES

On Friday, our member, Mary, started a discussion topic on the message boards, titled “How Many Ways Can We Feel Guilty?” She must have been a little psychic because I was mulling over what my weekend blog topic would be, and I was thinking about the emotions we spouses feel. Your responses to her query included a range of emotions in addition to guilt.

As I started to write, I thought my words seemed familiar, and sure enough, the blog I was writing had already been written – 2 years ago!

Since that time, we have added many new members, quite a few in the last few weeks, and every AD spouses’ emotions are as similar now as they were two years ago. The most important point of this blog is the validation that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. In just the last week, I have received 3 e-mails from new members telling me how gratified they were to find this site, read my blogs and the discussion topics, and realize that they WERE NOT ALONE in their feelings.

Taking advantage of the fact that everyone seems to be on the same wavelength, I am reposting that blog from 2 years ago, updating it with links to blogs on all of the emotions shared by AD spouses.

Added note: No, I am not slacking off – I know that this is the second weekend that I have reprinted an older blog, but it seemed so appropriate to this week’s discussions and e-mails, that I had to do it. So here it is:
JOAN’S BLOG – REPRINT AND UPDATE OF WEDNESDAY, APRIL 23, 2008 – THE UNIVERSAL LANGUAGE OF AD SPOUSES

I am always gratified to see new readers and Message Board writers here at TheAlzheimerSpouse, as seems to be the case these past few weeks. What continues to amaze me is that although our backgrounds and life experiences are completely different; that we come from every corner of the United States; many from our neighboring Canada; and others from countries as far away as Australia – we speak with one voice, and feel with one heart.

The most frequent comment with which we relate seems to be – “Where is my husband/wife?” “Who are you, and what did you do with my husband/wife?” We all feel the loss of our spouse and the loneliness and grief that accompanies that loss. We have all felt guilty for, at times, not liking the person who is screaming and raging at us as Alzheimer’s Disease takes over their brain; we have all felt resentful because we have been involuntarily cast into the “parent” instead of “spouse” role. But most of all, we have felt alone- that we were the only spouse of an AD patient who was experiencing these emotions.

As my regular readers know, and our new members are finding out, just having someone who truly understands, can lift a bit of the burden from our shoulders.

My never-ending gratitude to my two support group friends who let me know that I was not alone, that every emotion I was feeling was common to the AD spouse. If they had not validated my feelings, I often wonder if I would have found the courage to start this website. It was through them that I learned the universality of my emotions as an AD spouse, and it is through this website that I hope you will gain strength and comfort in knowing your emotions are shared by AD spouses everywhere.

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The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
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