JOAN’S BLOG – FRIDAY, JUNE 26, 2009 – TURNING THE TABLES ON ME – How Much More Confusing Can Alzheimer’s Disease Get?

We who live with spouses with Alzheimer’s Disease are fully aware of what a challenge it can be. It is a roller coaster of symptoms that bait and switch, hide and re-emerge, shock and surprise at every turn. It is an emotional train wreck.

At various times, I have likened this perplexing journey to an unexpected stop in the Twilight Zone or a fall into Alice’s rabbit hole. Both my husband and I know, and he fully admits, that his short (and now slightly longer) term memory left on a train a long time ago. He knows he asks me the same questions every day because he cannot remember asking them, never mind remembering the answers. If I told him which friend said what, which friend is going where, when we are going somewhere, or who said what in a phone call, I know that I will have to repeat it every day. I do not even bother asking him about a phone conversation he had with someone unless it is within a minute of him hanging up.  I have adjusted to this annoyance to the point that it is not really an annoyance anymore.

But this week’s events raised  to a new level. Over the weekend, I had brought up the subject of perhaps moving into an Independent Living Facility, as detailed in yesterday’s blog (see below). I emphasized his need for socialization, his declining physical stamina as being a hindrance to helping maintain the house, the unlikelihood of us ever recouping all the money we have poured into the house, and that the idea started because of friends who moved into a rented condo, and are thrilled that all maintenance is taken care of for them. That is an awful lot to remember for someone who, in the evening, cannot remember what was said that morning.

Soooooo, in the middle of this week, while we were discussing a possible move, I told him I was concerned about socialization for him. “How many times are you going to tell me that?”, he scolded me . “You told me that already.”  My brilliant reaction was, “HUH????”   How was I supposed to know that he would remember that? He doesn’t remember anything.

Later on that same day, I told him that I originally came up with the moving idea, because our friends are so happy in their condo.  What do you suppose he said to me? “You told me that already 3 times. How many more times are you going to repeat it?”   My brilliant reaction was once again, “HUH????”

And finally, one day this week, I mentioned again about pouring money into the house that neither of us will be able to live here long enough to recoup. Do you want to guess what he said to me?  “How many more times are you going to tell me that?”  This time my reaction was to say, “Well, how am I supposed to know what you remember and what you don’t remember? Most of the time you don’t remember anything.” To my credit, I did not lose my temper or yell. I just stated it as a matter of fact. Thankfully, he did not fly into a rage.  We just ended up in one of those bizarre Alzheimer conversations:

Sid – “How am I supposed to know what I will remember or not remember?”
Joan – “Well, how am I supposed to know what you will remember or not remember?
Sid – “I don’t know, because I don’t remember.”
Joan – “If you don’t know what you’ll remember, I certainly can’t know what you’ll remember.”
Sid – “It’s confusing.”
Joan- “I give up.”

And so it goes in the land of Alzheimer’s Disease.  Have any of you experienced this? Am I living in by myself?

MESSAGE BOARD TOPIC: Turning the Tables on Me- How Confusing can Alzheimer's Get?

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