JOAN’S BLOG – MON/TUE, JUNE 14/15, 2010- THE TOLL OF PHYSICAL CAREGIVING

As sympathetic and empathetic as we can be to a caregiver, we can NEVER understand the difficulties they are experiencing unless we have walked in their shoes. I found that out when my late stepmother did not initially recognize me when I visited her last March. I wrote a blog about how that incident gave me insight into what it must feel like when one’s spouse no longer recognizes them.

Now that my diabetic, Alzheimer’s inflicted husband has broken what was considered his better foot, I have been prematurely and instantly assigned the role of physical caregiver. Up until this fracture, I had it relatively easy from a physical standpoint. He handled all of his ADL’s and prepared his own breakfast and lunch. They were not complicated – yogurt and blueberries for breakfast, and adding some protein to a ready made salad on the shelf in the refrigerator for lunch. Suddenly, I am helping him dress and shower; making and serving his meals; bringing him drinks and snacks when he wants them, and trying to properly fit his foot into the cumbersome “boot”, while he is a prisoner in his new “uplifting” chair in the den. I cannot believe the time and physical effort it takes to accomplish this part of caregiving. I also have no idea how those of you who are 20-25 years older than me can possibly handle it.

This is not an easy job for anyone, but it makes me angry to realize how little caregiving assistance is available to elder caregivers who desperately need it. (Unless you happen to be wealthy and can pay as much as is needed.) To those of you who work outside of the home, or have physical disabilities yourselves, it is inconceivable to me how you can do this job. I am NOT complaining about doing the job; I am just astounded at the extent of it.

Anyone who is familiar with my writing knows my mantra – “sooner rather than later”. In this case, I am going to look into every County, State, Federal, and private agency I can, to be prepared for assistance when his Alzheimer’s, rather than a broken foot, thrusts me into the physical caregiving role again. I would suggest every Alzheimer spouse reading this do the same.

Dr. Phil and Oprah have done shows on spouses trading jobs for a day. Invariably, the men are thrilled to return to their jobs, after a day of handling household chores and screaming children. They admit that they had no idea how demanding the role of an “at home” wife can be. In that same vein, I believe that no one has the slightest idea how demanding the role of physical caregiving can be, and how desperately help is needed in that area.

Before my current state of chaos – my step mom dying, moving my father down here to Florida, and Sid breaking his foot - I was in contact with a caregiving author who wants to write a guest blog for this website. She is also working on a proposal to Oprah’s producers about a show on caregiving. I was supposed to talk to her two weeks ago; my goal now is to talk to her before the end of next week to find out what we can do to present our case for a caregiving show to Oprah.

As exhausting as physical caregiving may be, I still feel that what I call “emotional caregiving” - the emotional abuse, anger, and temper tantrums I endured during the first two years of Sid’s Alzheimer’s Disease, were far worse than my current job of waiting on him. A good night’s sleep will cure my tiredness. No amount of sleep can heal the pain inflicted when the Alzheimer Devil takes over their brain and spews venom in your direction.

How do you do it? How do you handle the physical aspects of caregiving without dropping from exhaustion? Please post comments on the Message Boards: Joan’s Blog – The Toll of Physical Caregiving.

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com

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The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
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