JOAN’S BLOG – MON/TUE, MARCH 14/15, 2011 –‘PEANUTS’ AND THE SECURITY BLANKET

In November, I mentioned on the Message Boards that my husband was engaging in what I call “verbal shadowing”. Every time I moved from the couch in the den, he asked where I was going and what I was doing. Every night. All night. I could not move without him questioning me. It drove me crazy. I took everyone’s advice, and told him where I was going and what I was going to do before he had a chance to ask, which reduced the stress on both of us.

You have told me that this type of behavior is due to his fear of being without me; that I am his security; that he realizes how much he depends upon me, and that he needs the assurance of me by his side. Whenever you try to educate me about these bizarre Alzheimer behaviors, my first reaction is to think – “He’s not at THAT stage yet.”  Obviously, he is, but as usual, my ability to recognize “that stage” is 3 steps behind its appearance.

In any case, lately we have a new “clingy” behavior. He will not go to sleep unless I am in bed with him. He will go to bed, but he will not sleep. If I decide I want to stay up later than him, he will lie awake until I come to bed. Once I am in bed, I always read before I shut my light off and go to sleep. This has been my routine for decades, but for most of those decades, he came to bed long after me. More often than not, I would be sound asleep, book in hand, when he came to bed. Now, he does not even go to sleep until I have finished my reading for the night, shut my light off, and close my eyes. When I tell him that I am going to be late coming to bed, and he should not wait up for me, he whines, “But I can’t fall asleep without you with me.” It probably should not annoy me, but it does. I feel as if I cannot breathe without him attaching himself to my hip, either verbally or virtually.

Sunday night, I told him I would come to bed later; that he should try to fall asleep before I came to bed. To my utter astonishment, he verbalized his feelings to me – perfectly. He said, “But I need you next to me in bed. You’re my blanket – you know – like Peanuts.” I was speechless. Speechless because he was able to explain his actions to me, which he usually is unable to do (see blog below – Clueless). He said exactly what you have been telling me – that I am his “security blanket”, just like the one Linus in the “Peanuts” comic strip used to carry around.

Not only was I astonished and speechless that he was able to express himself, but also profoundly sad that he has gotten to this point of needing a “security blanket”.  He is somehow managing to advance through the Alzheimer stages and still appear almost “normal” to those in the outside world. Yes, he can handle his own ADL’s, and answer questions appropriately in a social setting, but behind the scenes, deep in his brain, Alzheimer’s Disease is apparently unrelenting in its march.

For me, another adjustment to another decline; another piece of my husband lost to me.

What I am wondering is if any of your spouse’s remained seemingly intact, while exhibiting such emotional declines. MESSAGE BOARD TOPIC: Peanuts and the Security Blanket.

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The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
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