JOAN’S BLOG – THURS/FRI, OCTOBER 7/8, 2010 –THE BURDEN

One night this week, my husband said to me, “I wish I wasn’t such a burden to you.” I could not contain my surprise, and immediately answered that he wasn’t a burden. We married for better or worse, sickness and health, because we loved each other deeply. It would never occur to me not to take care of him when he needed me. Infusing a little humor, I told him that he was a pain in the a…, not a burden. The nature of Alzheimer’s Disease makes him often extremely difficult to deal with. The confusion, forgetfulness, repetitive questions, previous temper tantrums and rages, behavioral issues, all combine to make the Alzheimer patient one of the most stressful and challenging patients to handle – a definite pain in the a… There is no doubt about that. But I do not consider him a burden.  

The dictionary definition of a burden is “that which is borne with difficulty and obligation.” Yes, being a caregiver to a spouse with Alzheimer’s Disease is difficult, but it is done out of love, not obligation. Although I often fail miserably at it, I try my best to make his life calm, orderly, fulfilled, busy, and happy. This is not easy to accomplish with someone who does not remember what he did 10 minutes ago. Nor is it easy to accomplish with someone who does not realize the reason he seems to handle life so well is that I am behind the scenes smoothing the way for him.

My husband has been my partner and cheerleader since the day I met him. During my illnesses, operations, and hospital trips for endless medical tests, he drove me, sat with me, held my hand, cried for me, and encouraged me. Just as I am now caring for my father as well as my husband, there was a time when his mother and I were in the hospital at the same time – in different States! While trying to run a business, he drove from one hospital to the other caring for both of us.

I have always been #1 on his priority list to love and cherish. He has said that I am the best thing that ever happened to him, and he could not live without me. I often feel overhwhelmed and stressed in dealing his Alzheimer’s Disease, but I would never consider him a burden; an obligation. I take care of him because of his decades of loving me. I take care of him because of my decades of loving him.

I hate Alzheimer’s Disease and everything it has done to his brain and my peaceful life. I hate it for taking away my husband’s abilities and personality. It is not his fault Alzheimer’s Disease chose to reside in his brain. However, it is my choice, not my burden, to take care of him. I choose to do so out of love.

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