JOAN’S WEEKEND BLOG – OCTOBER 10/11, 2009 – BEING THANKFUL FOR THE POSITIVE

However grateful I am that this website is a place of support, information, and validation for the conflicting emotions of Alzheimer spouses everywhere, I like to take time out as often as possible to focus on the POSITIVE of our lives. Wait! Stop! Don’t throw those tomatoes at me! Hear me out, as I believe it is important, in the midst of our stress, anxiety, and burdensome caregiver duties, to shift focus to what we still have that is GOOD.

Two years ago, I wrote a blog about this. At that time, I had not been through the driving rages, the insults, taunting, verbal abuse, and overwhelming emotional exhaustion brought on by that period in our Alzheimer journey. I came through that fire – shaken, saddened, emotionally battered, but still standing, perhaps a bit stronger and wiser. There are many more trials to come. But I still believe we can find positive pockets in our lives. Not only do I believe it, I feel it is absolutely necessary to find them, revel in them, and appreciate them, for it is through focusing on the positive that we gain strength to withstand the bombardment of the negatives with which we live, and are still to come on this Alzheimer journey.

The following is a reprint of the blog I wrote in August 2007, which still applies to me and Alzheimer spouses everywhere:

Most of the time, we are so overburdened with responsibilities and sadness for the relationship we have lost, that we don’t take the time to look at the good things in our lives. Let’s do that now:
Our children – some of us have more than others; some of them are not supportive, but what about the ones who are? Think about the children you have who give you support and pleasure, and be thankful. I have one child, a son, who lives 3000 miles away, but has taken the time to teach me how to work the software to run this website; and is understanding and supportive of my caregiver difficulties. I am proud of him, and grateful to have him.
Our grandchildren – well, your grandchildren. I’m still lacking in that department. I’m told that nothing brings more joy than a grandchild’s hug and kiss. There is a saying that grandchildren are God’s gift for having survived bringing up your own children. Be thankful for the delight those grandchildren bring you.

The friends who stayed – yes, we have talked about the ones who left, but there are a few, maybe only one, who has stuck with you, and is on call to help when you need it. Maybe it’s just to pick up a prescription for you on their way home, or shovel your walk when it snows, or on the opposite end of the country, put up the hurricane shutters, but most of us have someone we can call a true friend. For that, we should be thankful. I am lucky enough to have more than one – they know who they are – I appreciate all of you.

The moments of connection – the loss of companionship and the accompanying loneliness is an unrelenting pain we have discussed, but once in a while, we reconnect with the spouse that was. It may only be for a day, an evening, or as little as an hour, but when it happens, we feel the love and closeness that was, and it is bliss. For those moments, we should be thankful.
Alzheimer Support Groups–Here we find people like us who understand everything we are going through – they are experiencing the same problems, emotions, and pain. In these environments, we feel safe enough to vent, scream, and cry for help. I am thankful to the Alzheimer Association for the social workers and groups they provide.

I hope you take a little time this weekend to think of, and be thankful for, the good things in your life.

MESSAGE BOARD TOPIC: Something Positive in Your Life

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The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
2009 All Rights Reserved

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