JOAN’S BLOG, FRIDAY, OCTOBER 15, 2010 – TEFLON BRAIN

For 10 years, I provided language therapy to middle and high school students.  Most of these kids were diagnosed with language based learning disabilities. That simply means that they had cognitive difficulties that prevented them from processing, understanding, and relaying information properly, particularly information they heard. They were impulsive, forgetful, and confused. Sound familiar?

It was my job to not only provide therapy to help improve their abilities, but to help them understand their deficiencies and follow strategies that would enable them to work around their disabilities. I also trained parents and teachers how to present information so these kids could understand it.

One of the best analogies I used was the Teflon/Velcro brain idea. I explained to everyone – parents, kids, and teachers – that the damaged brain was like a Teflon frying pan. Nothing stuck to it. The idea was for the students to learn to the best of their abilities to turn that Teflon into Velcro, to which some of the information would stick. There were pictures on the wall in my office of a brain made of Teflon, and a brain made of Velcro, and the caption read, “How do we go from here (Teflon) to here (Velcro)? Underneath the picture was a list of memory and learning strategies.

Well, here I am spousal caregiver to a husband with a Teflon brain. Nothing sticks. Early in the disease, we experienced some success with a variety of memory strategies. This past week has convinced me that we have advanced beyond being able to turn Teflon into Velcro ever again.

Sadly, whatever I now say to him must be prefaced with an admonition to look at me; to put down what he is doing; and to listen and pay attention. I then must tell him what I am going to do or where I am going or where he is going in short, simple sentences. He nods his head and repeats what I said so that I know he understands and “got it”. When I return to him in an hour or in 15 minutes, he has no memory of the conversation. This happened so many times last week that my son said to me, “How many times do you have to get slapped in the face? Stop stressing over it; stop expecting him to remember anything. Just repeat what you said. You’re only aggravating yourself by thinking that he may remember some part of what you said.” Okay, I get it. Another decline to accept. Another behavior of MINE to change.

I have accepted so many declines in my husband’s abilities. With each decline I have changed the way I respond to him. He cannot remember to test his blood; I tell him when to do it. He cannot remember when which TV program is on; I tell him. He cannot remember to shut off the lights or the fans. I shut them off. He cannot remember to put the peanut butter and jelly away. I do it. I do all of this without alerting him to any of it. I learned that there is no point to telling him that he forgot. He will not remember for the next time. So now we have progressed to the point that I will never expect him to remember ANYTHING  I say. I will tell him where we are going twenty times and act as if it is the first time he asked. I am learning to live with the Teflon brain. Hardly anything I could have anticipated when I made that sign for my office.

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com
©Copyright 2010 Joan Gershman 
The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
2010 All Rights Reserved
Under penalty of copyright laws, this information cannot be copied or posted on any website, media, or print outlet, without referencing the author and website from which it was taken

The material included on this website contains general information intended as information only. This site is not intended to provide personal, professional, medical, or psychological advice, and should not be relied upon to govern behavior in any certain or particular circumstances. The opinions in the blogs are solely those of the owner of the website. The opinions on the message boards are not necessarily endorsed by the owner of this website, and are the opinions of those persons writing the messages. All material on this web site is for demonstration and informational purposes only.           

The Alzheimer Spouse LLC 2010 All Rights Reserved