JOAN’S WEEKEND BLOG – MARCH 16-18, 2012 – THE SWEET TASTE OF FREEDOM

At the urging of everyone I know, I have reserved Fridays just for myself. With husband and father emergencies cropping up like Gopher’s in the movie Caddyshack,  it cannot always be accomplished, but I try.

This Friday morning, after I dropped Sid off at Day Care, I had plans to work out at the gym and thanks to a coupon, get treated to a ½ hour back and neck massage by the gym masseuse. The beach is 5 miles from Sid’s Day Care, and I decided, on the spur of the moment, that I wanted to sit at the beach before I went to the gym.

So what is the big deal, you may ask. Drive to the beach and sit there. Ah, but “spur of the moment for just me” IS a big deal because I am an Alzheimer Spouse caregiver. Everything revolves around my husband (and my father). Wherever they need to go takes precedent over what I want. Whatever my husband needs, I have to get for him. I am his legs and his brain. I am not complaining. These are just the facts.

Then, all of a sudden, it occurred to me this morning that both my husband and my father were taken care of for the day. No one had an appointment to go anywhere. If I wanted to go to the beach, there was no one to tell me I could not do it.

Thanks to my own broken direction gene and the wonders of technology, I hit the Yelp App on my smart phone, typed in ‘beaches’, and within 15 minutes was sitting on the dock watching the waves gently lap onto the shore. It was windy, warm, sunny, and beautiful. I absolutely reveled in the fact that I was sitting there for no other reason than I wanted to, and no one could stop me.

My delight in such a simple pleasure may sound silly and insignificant to some, but I am betting that every Alzheimer Spouse reading this understands my thoughts and emotions as I sat on that dock. It was the ultimate “me” moment, and I loved every second of it. A moment of true freedom to be savored and enjoyed.

When my ‘moment’ turned into 45 of them, it was time to go, but not yet time to return to caregiving. I worked out at the gym, had my ultimate relaxing massage, and drove home to eat a very late lunch.

My ‘me’ time is almost finished. It will be time to pick up Sid in ½ an hour, but this morning’s spontaneous silly little trip to the beach opened my eyes to possibilities. Once a week, for a few hours, I can be impulsive; I can do something unplanned because I want to do it. How refreshing and rejuvenating.

I had forgotten how light and exhilarating freedom feels.

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