JOAN’S BLOG – MON/TUE, MAY 7/8, 2012 – THE STENGTH OF AD SPOUSAL CAREGIVERS

Before I begin, I must thank Brenda Avadian from www.thecaregiversvoice.com and everyone from my website who helped me be recognized as “Caregiver of the Month”.  It is an honor for which I am most grateful, but about which I am honestly bewildered. Friends and relatives have been congratulating me, and telling me how strong I am. This blog addresses the strength of all spousal caregivers.

I fell in love with Sid when I was 21 years old. I married him 7 months after our first date, and stayed in love with him for more than 3 decades. I love him still – Alzheimer’s Disease has changed the love to more of a mother/child type of emotion, but the bond of 42 years is still there. I do not wear myself out trying to make his life as smooth as possible because I am stronger than any other spousal caregiver. I do not do every single physical, financial, and household chore because I am stronger than any other spousal caregiver.  I do not drive him to activities and appointments because I am stronger than any other spousal caregiver.  I do not organize his life, monitor his medications, untangle his confusion, explain information, and answer his repetitive questions because I am stronger than any other spousal caregiver. I do it; we spousal caregivers do it because we love our husbands and wives, and cannot abandon them. We look at them and see the men and women they used to be before Alzheimer’s Disease robbed them of their cognition, reasoning, abilities, and personality. We see them as they were, and it is for them as they were, that we do what we do.

None of us was trained for this job. Not even those of us who were professional nurses, social workers, special educators, physicians, or, in my case, speech therapists. Working with strangers does not prepare us for the emotions involved in caring for our AD spouses. Knowing relatives who have had AD does not prepare us. Nothing prepares us. AD spousal caregiving is the epitome of “on the job training”.

This is the most physically demanding, aggravating, stressful, emotionally draining, and above all, heartache filled job I have ever had. I did not ask for it. I am not working from strength. I am working from love and above all, NO CHOICE. We are not allowed to choose which disease our spouses will get that will be easiest on us. We deal with what we are given. We deal the best way we can. We research; we read; we learn; we ask questions; we gather support from those who are fighting the same battle, and we march on.

I must also say, in all honesty, that I do not do this job without some resentment. There is resentment that my life is totally involved in caring for him, at the expense of my own life and health. There is resentment that there is no one to take care of my physical, emotional, and mental needs, as I care for his. That is the truth that I am sure I many of you share with me.

As for the award, it is yours as much as mine. You are all doing as much, if not more, than I, and every one of you deserve a caregiver award.

MESSAGE BOARD: Joan's Blog - Strength of AD Spousal Caregivers

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The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
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