JOAN’S BLOG – THURS/FRI, JULY 15/16, 2010 – A SPOUSE WITH ALZHEIMER’S BEHAVING NICELY

For all of the times I vented about my husband’s brain being hijacked by Alzheimer’s Disease, which led to rages, verbal abuse, and overall vile behavior spewed directly at me, I thought I should give fair play to his turn around of late.

Between my father’s “care management” and Sid’s “caregiving”, as well as every single household, monetary, and physical responsibility on my shoulders, I have been a bit “testy” .  I have a list. It is a long list, but everything is on it, and I will get to all of it eventually, preferably without being reminded by my husband every few mintues (because he forgot he reminded me) to…………..do this, do this, do this, do this, and do this. To be truthful, perhaps I have raised my voice a time or two and said, “STOP TELLING ME. I’M GOING TO DO IT ALONG WITH THE 500 OTHER THINGS I HAVE TO DO!!!!!”  Perhaps I did not exactly “say” it. Perhaps I YELLED it.

Somewhere deep inside his Alzheimer’s fogged brain, he is trying his best to be sweet, patient, and loving toward his witchy wife, who is a bit overwhelmed with waiting on him and his broken foot, in addition to all my other duties. How he manages to remember that I need a little TLC is beyond me, but every time he has to ask me to get something for him, he adds, “Not now. When you have a minute.” Or he says, “ After you’ve rested a bit, will you get me “whatever it happens to be”. Or he says, “ Don’t get up now, but when a commercial is on, will you…. “whatever it happens to be.”

A year and a half ago, he was calling me names, insulting me, and screaming at me. Now he tells me every day how much he loves and appreciates me. Those of you who are ahead of me on this journey will probably not be surprised to hear that he has no memory of his screaming, raging, rants towards me.

I know enough about Alzheimer’s Disease to realize that he could change in a minute, but for now, I feel it is important for me to acknowledge his kindness and thank him for it – which I do, everyday, because………from one day to the next he could forget that I said “Thank you”, and he deserves that positive feedback.

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The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
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