JOAN’S FRIDAY BLOG – JUNE 3, 2011  - SO MANY LOSSES

At the end of each year, I take time to honor those spouses who have lost husbands and wives to this dreadful disease with an IN MEMORIAM tribute. Unfortunately, we have been losing spouses at an accelerated rate since January. Because of those losses coming so close together – 4 in just the last 4 weeks -  I am taking today to express condolences to so many (too many) of our members who have recently suffered the death of their spouse to Alzheimer’s Disease, and to honor their strength, courage, and love that sustained them through their stressful, heartbreaking years of spousal caregiving.

 IN MEMORIAM

Nancyt- Husband Kenny – January 24, 2011

Mary75 – Husband – February 2, 2011

Dee – Husband Shelley – February 9, 2011

Barbra – Husband – April 21st, 2011

CS – Husband John – March 25, 2011

Jerseymama - Husband - May 2, 2011

Former Soulmate – Husband Bud – May 8, 2011

Chrisr – Husband Dick – May 16, 2011

Shoegirl – Husband Bryan – May 20, 2011

Kathy37 - Husband Garv - May 31, 2011

Briegull (Clare) – Husband Lincoln – June 2, 2011

The reason I started this website four years ago was to give support, information, and a VOICE to Alzheimer Spouses who knew their role as caregiver to a spouse with Alzheimer’s Disease carried “unique” issues not shared or understood by caregivers of parents and grandparents. All of you whose spouses have died have spent years watching the personality, memory, cognition, and abilities of the love of your life disappear piece by piece, year by year. As each ability changed or was lost completely, your hearts broke again and again. You transformed, unwillingly, probably fighting it every step of the way, from loving spouse of an equal partner to nurse to a helpless infant. You have shouldered the anxiety, stress, anger, and frustration alone. Every single one of you has done the best job you could possibly do, and for that, I honor you.

Just as being a spousal caregiver to an Alzheimer patient is different than being a spousal caregiver to a cancer or heart disease patient, being an Alzheimer widow is also different. You were ‘widowed’ long before your spouses’ hearts stopped beating. The heartbreak of “loss” has been repeated and compounded innumerable times as the Alzheimer Devil chipped away at your spouses’ essence of being. In that sense, you have had years to adjust to the “loss” of the person you knew and loved. You have had years to adjust to being alone, to participating in activities by yourself, to perhaps making new ‘single’ friends.

I have been told, as I have no first-hand knowledge of this yet, that once the “relief” that your spouse has been released from the grip of Alzheimer’s Disease wears off, the memories of your spouse before AD will take over. Maybe they will sadden you; maybe they will give you comfort; maybe both. Whatever happens, you will grieve, and because of your strength, you will move on to a new life. It will not be the one you had with your spouse; it will not be the one you planned; it will be different, but it will be all yours and full of possibilities.

My condolences to all of you on the death of your spouses. I honor your strength and wisdom that brought you through this journey. I hope you will gain support from one another by posting on the “AD Widows and Widowers” thread on the Message Boards.

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The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
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