JOAN’S BLOG – MON/TUE., OCTOBER 12/13, 2009 – CAREGIVER SOLITARY CONFINEMENT

Last week, I wrote about the importance of caregivers, especially spousal caregivers, who tend to lose their identity to caregiving, finding activities, friends, and a life of their own outside of caregiving. Every article written by every expert in the field, emphasizes the importance of caregivers not neglecting their own health. But I was not talking about our physical health. I was talking about our mental and emotional health. When caregiving isolates us from friends and activities, we can forget who we are and what gives us pleasure and fulfillment in life. We started a message board topic of ideas for what we could do to nurture our mental and emotional health.

Then I sat down on Friday night to watch an episode of Law and Order. The show resonated with me as an illustration of what I had been trying to convey all week with my blogs. To simplify the plot as much as possible – the “bad guy” was on trial for pushing Detective Stabler off of a roof  ( a fall from which he miraculously recovered in record time, I might add, but this is TV). The “bad guy’s” defense was that he suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome due to having been locked up in solitary confinement for over 10 years during his last prison stay. He was supposedly so damaged, anti-social, violent, and stressed from his solitary confinement, that when presented with a situation he perceived as threatening, he would react suddenly and violently – i.e. pushing Det. Stabler off of the roof. During the trial, he told Detective Stabler that he could not possibly understand what he had been through.

In order to find out for himself, the detective arranged to be locked up in solitary confinement for 3 days. The isolation, lack of conversation, lack of human contact, was so psychologically damaging that when released after the 3 days, the detective attacked the guard, and screamed at him for not releasing him in the agreed upon 3 days. The guard assured the detective that indeed, it had been exactly 3 days.

Obviously, I am NOT inferring that being an isolated caregiver will make you violent. HOWEVER, lack of meaningful conversation, lack of stimulating activities, and constant loneliness, from which many spousal caregivers DO suffer, can result in the consequences of which I wrote last week – loss of self, which means you no longer know what you like to do now for pleasure or what you would like to do with the rest of your life after caregiving. It can result in intellectual and social stagnation. It can leave you adrift with no purpose in life but caregiving, and when the caregiving ends, you have no idea what to do with yourself.

Do not become a victim of caregiver solitary confinement. Read Mary’s message on how stimulating and important it is to get respite for yourself to do what makes YOU feel alive. Read the Caregiver Power blog (below). Start living a life for YOU while you are still caregiving. It is as important as taking care of your physical health.

Feedback to joan@thealzheimerspouse.com

©Copyright 2009 Joan Gershman 
The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
2009 All Rights Reserved

The material included on this website contains general information intended as information only. This site is not intended to provide personal, professional, medical, or psychological advice, and should not be relied upon to govern behavior in any certain or particular circumstances. The opinions in the blogs are solely those of the owner of the website. The opinions on the message boards are not necessarily endorsed by the owner of this website, and are the opinions of those persons writing the messages. All material on this web site is for demonstration and informational purposes only.

The Alzheimer Spouse LLC 2009 All Rights Reserved