JOAN’S BLOG – WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 21, 2009 – A SKEWED PERSPECTIVE OF OUR SPOUSES’ ABILITIES 

I had another “light bulb” moment experience on Monday that made me question everything I know about my husband’s level of functioning. It made me think seriously about how my perspective could impair my judgment as to what he is and is not capable of doing on his own.

He was scheduled to go on a luncheon trip with the Villa and ALF residents. It was a simple procedure, one he has followed many times in the 7 weeks we have lived here. All he needed to do was walk out the front door of our Villa, turn left, and take the short path to the ALF. About a 2 minute walk. Once there, he would wait in the lobby for the activities director, van driver, and the rest of the trip participants. There was nothing unusual in this process, except that he needed to be there at 11:30, and I had an appointment with the gym trainer at 11 o’clock, which meant that I would not be home to see him off. He certainly is functioning at a high enough level that he can go out the front door and follow a path to the ALF. But then it hit me. What if he can’t? How will I know if he can’t unless he doesn’t show up at home in the afternoon? Should I call him on his cell phone to make sure he made it on the bus? That will surely make him feel incompetent and angry. Should I call the activities director on her cell phone to make sure he made it on the bus? Isn’t that a bit of over reaction?

I KNOW what he is capable of doing. I KNOW he can make it to the ALF on his own. And yet…………aren’t there times when I am SURE he can do something, and he surprises me by being unable to figure out or complete the task?

I complain often that he seems normal to others, but they don’t see the confusion, forgetfulness, and disorientation that I see at home. But maybe that also works in the opposite mode. Maybe I have arranged his environment so that he can function well on the outside, and I am not really aware of what he is unable to do when left on his own.

This incident made me question the validity of my knowledge and understanding of his abilities. It made me realize that I will need to oversee any activity he does on his "own", until I am sure he can do it without supervision. To do otherwise, may place him in .

He did just fine on Monday, but the fact remains, I need to be vigilant, because with Alzheimer’s Disease, we never really know. And what we do know can change in an instant.

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The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
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