JOAN’S BLOG – WEDNESDAY, JULY 24, 2013 – A ROYAL BIRTH HIGHLIGHTS ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE

I was awaiting this week’s royal birth with anticipation. I certainly do not know why, as my life is as far from royalty as it can get. Maybe it is because newborn babies, whether they are in line to the British throne or not, are symbols of love and hope. So there I was, sitting with my Fire tablet, checking the news every few hours. When the announcement finally came, I wanted to tell Sid that a new prince had arrived, but knew it would be as futile as any news story about which I attempt to inform him. He would stare at me blankly and ask what I was talking about; I would have to explain; and the message would be lost in not only the explanation, but his foggy, Alzheimer riddled brain.

However, when we were watching the national news, and the birth weight was announced, I felt compelled to say, “My goodness, 8 and a half pounds. She is a thin woman. That must not have been fun. I should know, because Joel (our son), was just under 9 pounds and delivering him was no easy chore.” Sid looked at me and said sadly, “ I don’t remember anything about Joel being born.”

Only because I am now so used to him forgetting the milestones of our life together, his pronouncement did not hit me as hard as when he forgot our first date; our wedding; my miscarriage, all of our trips. I guess it is similar to being a battered wife. You know the blows are coming. You get used to them, but that does not mean you have to like them.

I now expect him to forget everything about our shared life. Instead of feeling shocked, hurt, and heartbroken as I used to when he would forget a significant part of our life, I feel overwhelming sadness. Sadness that I am the only one who remembers. I want us to laugh and cry together as we recall our significant life moments. I don’t want to feel so alone and lonely with my memories, but Alzheimer’s Disease gives me no choice. The memories we cherished are mine alone now.

As well as personal experiences, we have shared many national and international events in our 43 years together, including the election of 8 presidents. We sat together in front of the TV and watched Princess Diana’s funeral in 1997.  Yesterday, as the broadcasters were gushing over the new little prince, they showed footage of Princess Diana, and discussed her mothering style - her “common” approach to bringing up her sons. Sid said to me, “Whatever happened to Diana anyway?

No memory of his own son’s birth; no memory of national events; no memory of our adventures together. I cannot imagine what it must be like to lose your memories of life and the world around you. If there is nothing to remember from the past, and there is no ability for the Alzheimer brain to plan and think about the future, is it any wonder they often sit and stare blankly?

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