JOAN’S WEEKEND BLOG – NOVEMBER 11-13, 2011 – REVISITING THE IMPORTANCE OF “SOONER RATHER THAN LATER”

Two years ago, I wrote a blog titled “Sooner Rather Than Later”, describing how important it is to make care and living plans for you and your spouse that will meet your later needs. Do everything “sooner rather than later” has been my motto since I realized the impact Alzheimer’s Disease would have on both Sid’s life and mine. I am writing an update today to help new members and veteran’s take stock of their situation, and think carefully about what needs to be done when.

The following is what I did BEFORE it was an emergency:

1. Legalities – As soon after the diagnosis as I could get an appointment with an Elder Law Attorney, we had wills, powers of attorney, health care powers of attorney, and everything else we needed, signed, sealed, and delivered to all family members and doctors involved.   

2. Driving – Although it probably shortened my life span by about ten years, due to the stress, rages, anger, and emotional devastation he heaped upon me, I stopped Sid’s driving before he had an accident.

3. Living arrangements – I moved into an Independent Living Villa about 20 years before I needed to, because neither one of us could take care of a house. Sid can no longer do any physical work. Now, the maintenance staff handles everything from changing a light bulb to fixing the roof. Weekly cleaning is provided, dinner meals are delivered, the pool is outside my front door, a bus is provided for transportation if I cannot drive (as was the case with my recent surgery), and therapy services are in the ALF next door.

4. Protected my mattress with a waterproof mattress cover.

Now I am facing two more “sooner rather than later” issues. One is Day Care. The other is placement. As my recent blog – To Day Care or Not to Day Care, explained, I do not think Sid is ready for Day Care. However, funding is available NOW. I have been informed that if I do not take it, my name will go to the bottom of the list, and it could be a year or more before it floats to the top again. With Alzheimer’s Disease, functioning can change in a blink of an eye, and what you did not need yesterday, you may need desperately tomorrow. So it is with Day Care. With that in mind, I have agreed to get the paperwork in order, allow a home visit to assess Sid, and if we are approved for the funding, Day Care it will be – sooner rather than later.

The other issue is placement. If I do not think he is ready for Day Care, I certainly do not think placement will be needed for years. But……………one never knows. We had a friend who was home, able to stay alone for a few hours at a time, played dominoes with Sid’s Alzheimer group, and one day, fell in the driveway. He never returned home. The back surgery necessitated by his fall caused his Alzheimer’s to accelerate to the point that he needed 24 hour care, and he was dead within months. Therefore, while I am inquiring about funding for Day Care, I will begin the process for placement funding. Sooner rather than later.

One task I have not done, which needs attention immediately is a “location list” for relatives. My father was fanatic about this. He made a list of where all of his important documents could be found – bank accounts, insurance policies, wills, etc. – and gave a copy to each of us adult children. I always kept it on my kitchen bulletin board – just in case. I do not have a “location list”, and unfortunately, because I am so busy, I do not even know where the insurance policies are. The legal documents to which I referred above are in a 3-ring binder, thanks to a very organized lawyer, but I need to let relatives know where it is.

My intention is not to frighten anyone into thinking that their spouses’ will decline so rapidly that they will need all of these services immediately. My intention is to make everyone aware of the importance of advance planning. As I said in the 2009 “Sooner” blog, “research nursing facilities and methods of paying for them “sooner rather than later”, so you are not on the floor in the middle of the night, soaked in urine, trying to lift up your spouse, clean, change, and settle them down, while you are sobbing – “I can’t do this anymore.”

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