JOAN’S WEEKEND BLOG – MARCH 12/13, 2011 – FINDING RESPITE FOR YOU

As I am writing this, my sister is out doing my Walmart and Publix grocery shopping. When she returns, she will make the salad for our family company pizza party this afternoon. She will then go to the ALF next door, and wheel my father here for the party. And I am thinking – how did I get along without her, and how will I get along when she leaves?

In a recent guest blog by “nccaregiver”, the writer discusses the difference between “tired” and “exhaustion”.  She/he explains – “Exhaustion is an abyss that, unless you’re careful, becomes all-consuming and all-powerful.  It exists to eat your spirit, mind and soul, leaving you a hollow shell.  Ungoverned, it can suck the passion, spirit, joy and, finally, the very life out of you.  It is a merciless, unrelenting foe, and it is the constant companion of every Alzheimer’s Spouse.  Recognize its signs, and defend against it.  It will eventually kill you and poison all those important around you, if you let it.”

Exhaustion is where I was before my sister arrived. It was so all consuming that I thought it would never leave me. Ever. I was surprised to discover, that after a few days of having my double duty caregiving duties AND household duties, lifted from my shoulders, the exhaustion did indeed leave. It had been so long since I felt relief from it that I was surprised at what it felt like.

My sister does have a job, full life, and family of her own, to which she will return next Wednesday. I will return to doing everything myself, but at least I will be somewhat rejuvenated from a fabulous 10 days of respite. Which leaves me to ponder how YOU can get a break. We have often discussed hiring professionals to help with the ‘hands on’ caregiving many of you must do for spouses who are in later stages. We have discussed hiring professionals to ‘babysit’ your spouse while you take a day for yourself. But the fact is that most people, myself included, do not have the resources to hire anyone to do anything. Many of you do not have relatives like my sister, who will come and unburden you for a week or more. So what do you do, besides keep going until you drop dead from ‘exhaustion’?

I found a comprehensive article that gives excellent advice and resources for finding free respite care. CLICK THIS LINK to read “Where to Find Respite Resources” by April Jones at www.agingcare.com. She does write about paid care, but I am directing you to the “free” resources she discusses. Please take advantage of her advice and find respite for your weary self. You need and deserve it. When my sister leaves, I am going to look into the agencies listed in the article, because this week has taught me that I cannot "do it all".

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The Alzheimer Spouse LLC
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